♫ Jesus, Your Name is Power, Breath, and Living Water ♪

It is unbearably hot outside today, but I wanted to go outside anyways. Muggy heat is my least favorite kind of weather, but it is much better than being in a house facing the reality that is home, so I put up with it. I walked out there a while ago in a horrible funk, and talking to God. I was asking Him how to stop driving people away by being too honest or by sharing my heart with them. People don't really like that too much. No one ever told me that...oh well. Three people told me I needed professional help in the last twenty-four hours, and I believe them. Their stating it has made me feel completely worthless, however...like a broken toy. When you squeeze it, the voicebox can't quite get the doll's message across. My brain somehow can't quite connect with everyone else on the level that is considered "normal". It's kind of cute when you're five, but when you're a teenager going into college, it causes serious problems. No one ever told me that some people get angry when you ask them for help. It's a good thing I'm learning this now, eh? ;-) I told all of this to Him, and I know He has the answers, because He created me in the first place. He gave me the fundamental personality and put me in this environment for a reason, and I shouldn't resent that or be ill content. I was struggling today with feeling unloved, though. The sun just made me cranky, but God still does miracles. There is no doubt in my mind. Previously in my blog I posted a snippet about rain and what it means to me; to me, it is God's way of hugging you, and telling you He loves you. As I was walking in that awful heat, I felt the air grow cooler, but saw no change in light. IT'S RAINING! Right now, it is raining in that terrible sunshine! One million people telling me that God does not exist could never change my mind. Tell me that that is not an answer to prayer. He is amazing, and He loves me, even when I'm complaining. God loves me, and He has a plan for me. That is motivation enough to learn more about people and to learn whatever skills I need to understand, communicate with, and even help them. With God, nothing is impossible. Something funny I found is that no one really has the patience to sit down and think about or help someone who has a mental issue they need to work out unless they or someone close to them develops one. Why is that, I wonder? My mind can just picture people's thoughts when I say I'm going into Biblical Counseling. "Why would a girl who is messed up go into counseling? That's the last thing she should do." Perhaps...but maybe I want to help people like me? After all, no one else can seem to come up with an answer rather than a quick glance at their shoes when I ask them where I should turn for advice. :)

*~FUR~*
Proverbs 31:30
♫ ♪ ♥



p.s. I am not cutting out God from all of this, it's just easier to explain without going into a deep theological explanation of all of the controversial principles and standards surrounding this issue. ;)