Forgive-Me-Not

Recently I've read so many articles, magazines, posts, and blogs about "How to Forgive Others" and "10 Steps to Forgiving Those Who Hurt You", and I say......if it takes that much effort and thought to forgive someone...even of the most terrible things...is not that a whole lot of emphasis on self? I mean...if you are a Christian, then your aim is to focus on what God is focusing on. If you are so filled with the Spirit and immersed in His words, then your attitude should reflect His. Do not mistake me; I am not perfect. In this area, I have failed more than once. Just hear me out (or read!), however.

The greatest fruit of the spirit (and, therefore, the most conspicuous mark of a born again, growing Christian) is love. Here is what the Bible has to say about that:

"If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. ² And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. ³ If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned,^[a] but have not love, I gain nothing.⁴ Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant ⁵ or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful;^[b] 6 it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.⁸ Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away. ⁹ For we know in part and we prophesy in part, ¹⁰ but when the perfect comes, the partial will pass away. ¹¹ When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways. ¹² For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known.¹³ So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love." I Corinthians 13

Consider this...if a one-year-old is walking around the house telling himself to put one foot in front of the other and gazing at the ground, we don't really consider that strange. Also, we expect him to fall at random times, and laughing usually ensues (after we help him up!). Now picture a forty-year-old man walking down the street telling himself to put one foot in front of the other while gazing at the ground beneath him. It would look silly, right? That is exactly the problem I'm talking about! I have seen a trend in some "Christian circles that disturbs me. When someone wrongs another, the first reaction is either complete silence and the beginning of the "I'll forget this ever happened" process, or a confrontation in which both parties are only prepared to hear how they are right and the others are sorry. Even after the situation has been talked to and apologies exchanged with the right heart, some truly horrible events are hard to forget. On a personal level, the crime is repeated and thought about...help is sought from friends and mentors on how to forgive...on how to "let go". I suppose it would be heartless of me to say "grow up!". It would be, because I have done the same thing. There isn't anything wrong with asking for help, and it is definitely a good sign that they want peace!

Honestly, though, that sounds like a forty-year-old having trouble walking. Forgiveness! It shouldn't be such a hard thing to do. It should be like walking if you are right with God. If a fellow Christian lies, tries to ruin your reputation, or even physically harms you, YES...seek help...don't become a doormat, and protect yourself, but forgiveness should be the least of your worries. It should be natural. It should be your nature. It comes with love. If your Christian brother or sister turns on you, it hurts...yes, but the process of forgiveness shouldn't take twenty days, months, or years. It should be natural. 

Let me give you a scenario. Say your best friend from your childhood grows up and has a family and continues to be right there beside you even when you both have kids and lives of your own. Say that, one day, you find that they have been telling members of the church awful things about you and how you have decided to raise your family, and that they only pretend to be supportive of you. Consider the fact that, all the while, you've been telling them personal, cherished things. How could they betray you like this?? How could they be so cruel!? 

This reaction is normal.

If you are a new believer, then it wouldn't be surprising to observe you constantly reminding yourself to forgive and forget. It wouldn't be surprising to see you constantly meeting with people to talk about how best to "deal with" this tragedy in your social/spiritual life. That's normal. It's a growth process. It's how you learn how to cope and how to grow and how to learn about God's heart on the matter. If you are not a new Christian, then seeing the same reaction would be a little odd. What is a grown man (spiritually) doing seeking constant counsel for? Why is a grown man (spiritually) having to constantly remind himself to have the right attitude. No. This is an elementary lesson. Even on a seemingly (to us as humans) catastrophic level, this is something we should have learned a long time ago.

Forgiveness is an action, yes, but it is not some spontaneous earth-shattering moment of closure. It is a decision. It is instant. It is history. Love isn't constantly thinking "How do I forgive this person for the ridiculous wrong they have done me? How will I ever trust them again??" No. Love is too busy wondering, "Are they alright? That doesn't seem like them. How can I help them? I wonder what other person has been hurt by this. Is there anything that can be done do help this family over here?" Love sits beside the person spouting garbage at it, waiting for a pause in the conversation to ask why they are acting that way. Love doesn't join in the gossip or slander. Love believes that good things may still come from the "trespasser". It doesn't have to consciously tell itself "OK. Keep your mouth shut. Bear it. It's wrong, but keep your mouth shut." No! It doesn't say that you should let yourself be trampled over! But if you are filled with the Spirit, and Love is natural, then true selflessness will be the result. Selflessness that makes you realize that the wrong your have endured isn't extremely important in the light of eternity...that the breakdown of a reputation or possible job loss or injured family is hurtful, but not an end to everything.

-Fur

Proverbs 31:30

Psalm 19:14

p.s. I know I rambled. It's 3am. I apologize. :) 

MindThought

Death is separation. That's what MAKES it death. It is separation from friends and family...eternal death is separation from God. That's what hurts the most. That is death's sting...not the pain...not the last sigh...not the heartbeat that slowly fades out...but silence... like a radio losing a signal. The confusion and misery and coldness of losing the greatest connection we as humans experience. Silence...separation...hopelessness.

I posted this status on Facebook two days ago. My mind has been running very hard for a very long time now on this particular subject. We use death as a time limit...as a goal...as a "deadline" for what we need to accomplish with our lives. But what if this deadline were taken away? We as Christians should be ready to go at any moment, yes? So, technically, we shouldn't be relying on some day (hopefully) many years in the future as a measure by which we proceed each day, right?


Truthfully, most of my free time has been spent thinking about what exactly death is. Yes, I mentioned it was separation, but from what? It seems to depend on each person. Let's use fictional Mary as an example. If Mary spent her life constantly striving to be the best wife and mom possible, what would death be for her (spiritual aspect aside)? She would be separated from her husband and children. Her goal was impeded by death...not fulfilled by it. 


The main reason I ponder these things is because of the phrase we use, "half life" or living dead. NO, I'm not talking about zombies and vampires. I am analyzing the truth of these titles in a practical light. If death is not only separation, but separation from your main goals and the ones you love, then I believe that these titles have some truth after all. A man who trusted no one beyond everyday menial things would indeed be living a half life. He would be mentally and emotionally separated from the entire world, save his physical being. War victims, accident survivors, and often normal people find the,selves in that same situation often - more often than you think. To place two people in a soundproof prison cell, then build a wall between, leaving no space for sound or visual contact between them, would be to make one dead to the other. Separation...silence...hopelessness. To raise two brothers, fuse their souls together (No, I'm not using spiritualistic mumbo-jumbo. Look up the terms if you don't understand.) through common and threatening circumstances and shut them away from all other experiences and people, then send one across the globe with no contact and no explanation......to do that would also be creating death, would it not? 


Would this not be virtually the same pain? No...it is more. It is "death's" sting with the added twist of uncertainty. The little piece of hope, of unrest in the back of your mind would eat away what other signs of life that remained. The ever-present question of whether they were alive, or in trouble, or still compatible with you would drive you crazy. Wouldn't you call that a half life? Wouldn't the person separated from the only other physical thing in the world that made sense then become dead while they were living? Perhaps this is just a realization of exactly how bad the curse of sin is. Perhaps I am a little slow in seeing it, but it intrigues me.


Granted, that view (besides the last part about sin) was entirely cutting out the part about the loving, all-powerful God that has given us the solution already. I do realize that ultimate separation for sinners is the price they pay for their rejection of God and/or our pain to bear for not sharing the life-saving news with them. I wonder, though...if you viewed life and death like a rubber band...if you imagined that the moments leading you up to a car wreck that could possibly end your life (cut the band) and separate you were stretching the band farther and farther towards death, what happens when death lets go? Is that why soldiers run to their families after coming home from the front lines? Is that why hysterical robbery victims run straight past the homeless man on the street and towards their husbands and wives after the crisis? Is that why people begin praying to God after some terrible event stretches their tiny rubber bands farther than they'd like towards ultimate separation? I want to know, then, why people become closer afterwards? Why does the rubber band snap back more tightly around those important things? Shouldn't it be immovable in the first place? Shouldn't "the important things" (whatever they are to people) already be that close? It puts one's life into perspective.

What would you snap back to? What would you run to? What would you change and what would you pass by? The answer might shock you. I know it did for me a little. If you are truly honest to yourself, you will most likely find that things you claim are important to you, may not be as close as you portray them to be. 

Ecclesiastes 3

WELL...that's my cheery musing for today. Have a nice lunch. Cheerio!
*~Fur~*
Proverbs 31:30
Psalm 19:14

Hello, dear people who actually read these things!


   It recently occurred to me that it is socially acceptable to post pictures in your blog, so that is precisely what I shall do in this post. Since I have not written about every day goings on in my life for a while, I will attempt to catch you up as best as possible using images captured through my phone at random times. ^_^ Moo ha ha.


   My mother teaches fourth grade at a private Christian school, and her students had been asking her to bring me for show-n-tell. I finally visited in April and taught them how to diagram sentences using a donkey, an ice cream cone, and a tree. No, silly, I don't have that much money! I just drew them. ;) The children seemed to enjoy 

themselves and even drew me their own pictured of Bobby Cuppycake. Teaching is definitely not on my list of desired professions, but they were pretty fun to teach.




   Although I have been busy working for the past six months, I haven't been completely solitary. My friends have captured me for a few random trips to downtown Greenville or some coffee place or the mall. Yes, I hate shopping, but I have found a few places that I love very much. One such place is  Body Central in the Haywood Mall. Their jewelry is exactly my taste, and it is always on sale!! I get weird looks when I shop there, though. I can't imagine why......     

   During my free time, which is virtually non-existent now, I try to knock out books on my list of classics. My most recent accomplishment was The Tenant of Wildfell Hall by Anne Bronte. The heroine of the story was so easy for me to understand and connect with. It was definitely one of those books you get sucked into and feel all hazy when something or someone drags you out of it. I also love to paint wooden things. I am no master, but it's fun, and it allows time to think, which I love.

   Oh yeah! I almost forgot...the majority of my time is being taken up by both of my jobs. Kohl's isn't a very good company to work for, but the job is decent enough. They give associates a fifteen percent discount, which is nice. Publix, however, is an outstanding company to work for! My jobs have taught me so many things...both practically and about people. I haven't made any "kindred spirits", but I have a few friends. Hopefully I will be able to work at Publix until I get a degree. I have been accepted into the June term at Tri-County Technical College, so we will see how the jobs and school mesh. Maybe I won't die.

   

   About a week or so ago, an unexpected event occurred. My mother and I took my dog, Shadow, to the vet, and we ended up having to put him down. The dog was so ugly, but he was the only happy thing I came home to most days, so it was hard. 

   They say that the pets are just supposed to go to sleep during the procedure. My mother stayed with him when they did it, but I couldn't watch death. I could hear Shadow start to yell at the end. That was the hardest thing I have had to experience in a long while. It haunts my dreams sometimes still. It is a sound I will not easily forget. Still, I have my own ways of clearing my head of cobwebs and obstacles.  There is a park here in town that I absolutely love, because it is usually quiet, and it remains beautiful year-round. I cannot think of a better place to go to talk to God or study or write or just sit. 

   Another part of my life is the O'Brien household. I have been connected to it for almost eight years now. My older friends know the bad that came from it, but my newer friends only know the wonderful things that have come from it. They are such generous people, at least to me. They come pick me up and take me to their home in Greenville sometimes just to hang out. The oldest girl, Marla, is just a little younger than my sister, and Melanie is four years younger than I am. 

   Marla came to the Anderson fair with me this past Wednesday at 10:30pm! She convinced me to get onto the swinging pirate ship ride (which I was completely terrified of!!!), and we saw a real camel, which she had to drag me away from eventually. I spent this past weekend at their house with their papa while they visited an old friend who is doing basic training. It was an adventure, certainly. When they got back, Marla and Melanie took my downtown for some girl-time and a quick game of putt-putt. 

   I was also already in Greenville this past week, because my uncle received an honorary doctorate from Bob Jones University. I was able to see my aunt and uncle from Guam, as well as my cousin Joseph and his family. He had three daughters that I had never really met, and we became friends immediately. Of course, Sarah and Benjamin were there with Garth too. I miss them very much, and it was exciting, yet sad to see how much they've grown even in the six months since I had seen them last (yes...I may quite possibly be referring to Garth AND the kids ^_^). As I told someone else, all of my favourite guys were gathered together on the day of commencement, except two, and one of those was able to join the others for dinner. ;-) I'll let you figure that one out on your own.

Two other exciting events helped pass the dull workweeks during March. The first was the last day of Good News Club, a ministry of Oakwood Baptist Church that goes to Centerville Elementary School and holds a vacation Bible school-type program every Tuesday. Work kept me from going as much as I would have liked, but when I did go, it really made an impact on me. The kids definitely had heart needs, but my friend Amanda and I also went away from every day laughing our heads off about something those crazy kindergarteners did. It was worth every minute. I even found a mini-me!

   The other exciting event in March was the wedding of my friend Cat. She asked me to be her maid of honour. I hate having to get all "dolled up" for anything, but she's my friend. She was also the craziest bride I have ever met. Who drinks a Monster right before their ceremony!? Oh well. Her husband seems to be happy, so I guess that's all that matters. The bachelorette party was fun to plan, at least. :)

   Alright, I think I have tortured you enough for one post with my odd picture arrangements and petty ramblings. There's just one more thing that people seem to think has happened in the past six months. Many rumours have circulated, and I wish to put them to rest. Yes, friends. I have a boyfriend, and I am going to post his picture right here!!! 

   I hope you are all satisfied now. We worked so hard to keep it a secret, but no one would leave us alone. Oh well. All secrets come out eventually, I suppose. I do hope that you will wish us well. It is going swimmingly, and we are very happy, though I don't get to visit him as much as I'd like. He's all the way in Greenville, and his iron-clad work contract kind of has him immobilized right now. He does have a rather steadfast, impenetrable personality, though. Really...he's a solid young man. X-D Alright...alright...I'll stop. Have a blessed week, peoples.






*~Fur~*
Proverbs 31:30
Psalm 19:14

Mountain Climbing

It's been said that most people will never know what it's like to conquer a mountain like Everest. Most people won't try because they are afraid, unable, or just unwilling to try. Imagine life as a landscape. There are hills, valleys, mountains, oceans, and flatlands. I believe every person has to cross a stretch of uncomfortable terrain at some point along their journey, wherever their destination may be. I also believe that most people never know what it's like to conquer those mountains either, for the same reasons. As a Christian, God won't always make someone climb the enormous mountain. Like any parent giving their child free will, sometimes He will sit with them until either they trust Him, or until it is time to go around to more important things. For those who choose to trust Him through the fear and blaze ahead, the experience may seem endless, exhausting, and pointless. 


He provides the right equipment for the job He has called us to do, but sometimes believing that a metal ring a quarter of an inch thick will keep us from plummeting thousands of feet to our death is a little difficult. Letting the intense weather conditions and constant activity wear on and discourage us is too easy. Often we wonder if climbing this terrible mountain is even worth it, since we do not know exactly what the end looks like. While trusting God, it is easier to keep on climbing, but when we allow ourselves to stop and doubt, that is when gravity and doubt start to pull on us and weigh us down. The longer we are still, the more weight it forces upon us, making it nearly impossible to get going again. On a mountain, suspended in the air, if we are not moving up, it feels like we are going backwards, and we start to question our decision to start climbing in the first place. "God didn't force me to do this. He would have understood my fear. He would have let His child go another way. Someone else could have done this. Look at all of the other stuff I could be doing right now while I am stuck on this dumb rock. I'm not even good at climbing!" 


Thankfully, God, in His love and mercy, will turn our eyes back upon Him, whether it be by sending us a partner to help us get going again, or just by giving us the strength to get through the next day so we can see His sunrise on another plain like we have never seen before. He reminds us of who He is, how much He loves us, and what He has done to bring us to this point, and the climb is no longer a strain. Some mountains last a lifetime, with a few plateaus interspersed, and some mountains are overcome in a few months, but they are always rewarding. We should never be afraid to go where God leads us, even if we don't have all the answers at the beginning. "I know both how to be abased, and I know how to abound: every where and in all things I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me." (Philippians 4:12-13) This doesn't mean that we, as humans, have the power to do everything, because we are saved. It means that God, the Creator of the universe AND us, the One who sees the future and holds it in His hand, the Saviour who has called us to follow Him has given us the opportunity to be a part of His sovereign plan. His will is set in stone, yet He has asked us to be a part of the body...a worker for Him. That same God will not ask us to climb a mountain if He has no control over the mountain. Don't you think the God who has numbered every hair on our head has already taken care of our every need? Our way is set. He's just asking us to climb. We are invincible in His will until He chooses to take us home!






<3 Fur 
Proverbs 31:30
Psalm 19:14

The Lake

There are some days, when your work is done or you are waiting for it to begin, and you find yourself completely excluded from distractions such as television, phones, or other people. Most of us would find this annoying, but it is this type of day that God can really use to teach one more about Himself if there is a willingness to listen. Here is just one strain of thought that came to me recently on a very long and empty day.


Camp kids love the lake. the water is always so inviting and exciting and slightly terrifying to them. I remember how a few of us girls would just sit on the dock and talk while the guys made fools of themselves by seeing how far they could run across the water's surface until the plunged into it headfirst. On sunny days it was usually placid and undisturbed by wind or rain. We wouldn't even have been able to tell it was moving had it not been for the slow, soft, steady sound of it brushing against the shoreline. Occasionally one of us would dip a toe or a stick into it's smooth surface, creating a series of tiny ripples that would emanate from the point of disruption. Of course, some of us would always be overcome by the temptation to slide into its cool depths, because the South Carolina heat is rather relentless.


As I reminisced about the camp days of years that slipped by too quickly, passages of Scripture began to flow through my mind that  used water as a symbol for the Saviour. It made me compare the miraculous element that God created with the attributes of His Son. Granted, they are only thoughts, but they were very interesting. 


Water is a very balanced element, especially in a body such as a lake. Lakes are usually very wide and deep. One human cannot usually know the exact parameters of a lake without being given the knowledge, or at least the tools to find it out. A lake is both  static and in motion. It remains in the same general location, but it ebbs and flows and takes part in the constant cycle of evaporation and condensation and precipitation. It can carry vehicles and humans on its surface, yet it has the potential energy to provide an entire region with electricity. It can be calm, and it can be furious. A lake can be such a comforting place - a solace of sorts and a place of contemplation, but it can be fatal if its rules are not obeyed. It can be seen, yet it is hidden from most. Every human contains a part of the element it is made of, yet many never go near it or seek an understanding of it.  


Does this not sound a little like our God? He is a God of balance. He is perfection in all points. The Godhead is very wide and deep. "O the depth of the riches both of the wisdom and knowledge of God! how unsearchable are his judgments, and his ways past finding out!" (Romans 11:33) Humans cannot know the parameters of the mind of an infinite Being, yet He has revealed certain truths about Himself, and has given us the tools to know more. "And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart." (Jeremiah 29:13 God is both immovable, yet He moves constantly. He is everywhere, yet no one nor any THING is able to cause Him to move. He is too great. He cares for the sparrow and guides His children with love and gentleness, yet He chastens them who go astray, and punishes His enemies with unparalleled power. The God who created the earth, the heavens, and everything therein, is the same God that answers the prayer of a single mother who needs a job. Also, God sent His Son down to earth to become man...a visible being...a taste of God that is humanly perceived, yet such a small percentage of the earth's population was able to acknowledge him for their blindness! He was in the world, and the world was made by him, and the world knew him not. (John 1:10) Humans were created with eternity imprinted on their souls. the very fact that they are alive is an evidence to their conscience of it, yet how tiny is the number of people who seek the truth of it all? 


Hhhhhhmmmmmmmm......I wonder why God created something like water only on earth to cover over two thirds of it and be essential to the sustaining of our lives.


It just escapes me......


;-)


*~FUR~*
Proverbs 31:30
Psalm 19:14

R.I.P.

Hello, people who actually read this. Tonight's post will be a little different. On my way to church tonight, a song began to play on my mp3 player that reminded me of my friend Keith. Please allow me to tell you our story.

A few years ago, Cat dated several guys who, consequently, became some of my favourite people to talk to. There was Scotty, whose decision to follow Jesus has made him an even more awesome friend. She texted a guy named Alex for a very long time, and I continued to talk to him for a year or so after she moved on. We lost communication when we both started college together. The most random friend I made, however, was Cat's ex-boyfriend's cousin, Keith. Cat and John dated for a long time, but Keith and I never met face-to-face until much later. Our first conversation began by building a pyramid of periods together in an aim chat window. We would go on, however, to converse almost every day until the summer of 2011.

Keith taught me about obscure foreign films, chemistry, gross random youtube videos, the joys of learning German, and the views of someone who thought that they didn't matter. In return, I did not cease to find some way to help him, make him laugh, make him smile really big, or point out his accomplishments. He would often say that he had no purpose - that he didn't belong. In one such conversation that had lasted about five hours, he made a statement that there wasn't any reason that he should be alive. I asked him to promise me something, and he consented. I asked him to tell me goodbye if he ever decided to take matters into his own hands. The next day, I was relieved and excited to see his username pop up on my screen with his standard mono-syllabic "hey." 

Towards the end of my freshman year at Bob Jones, he underwent a change. Most people would have said it was for the better. It only perplexed me. He began saying, "lol" and "cool" and "what's up!?" all the time. Now, reader, you must understand that this just wasn't the norm for him when we talked. He was unmatched in sarcasm and once spent an entire evening pointing out the emptiness of those very words. He began hanging out with friends more, though, and I felt that he might really be happy, then thought no more of it.

Washington state was my home this past summer. My cousins Garth and Becky put up with me for over three months! Something interesting did happen while I was there, though. One day, just as I finished my shower, my phone began to ring. This wasn't totally unexpected. I had been job-hunting a lot. When I looked at it, however, it was a South Carolina area code. No one really calls me. ^_^ I answered . . . but no one spoke. Three more times I repeated my "Hello?", and finally a quiet masculine voice said, "Later, Fur." and hung up! To be quite honest, I was a little disturbed, but I shook it off and continued getting ready. The odd "bad feeling" that had been with me for a few days was still bothering me. That night, I was informed by my Facebook that Keith was no longer with us. He had decided to take his own life less than ten hours before. It wasn't until the next day that I matched the mysterious caller's voice with that of my favourite random friend. It wasn't until the ride to church tonight that I remembered the promise I asked him to make.

I will never have an answer to my questions now. Did he know that he made me laugh more by saying nothing than any other guy's constant rambling? Did he realize that I admired him for being the most honest being I had ever met? Did he know that he had been a better friend to me by walking miles to campus on a Sunday afternoon just to play a game of chess than most any one else? He kept his word to me.

Does he know that I miss him?

*~FUR~*

Inward Song

I sit upon a leather stool
And touch the keys so smooth and cool.
A sturdy perch, a steady eye -
I take my aim before I fly.

My running fingers stretch my wings
As hammers downward strike the strings.
A note, a chord, a melody -
Progress into sweet harmony.

My bird-like song is twisting now
And changing with my sobered brow.
A playful tune is fine to start,
But soon my fingers speak my heart.

With darker tones I speak of sin,
Of darkness deep and strong within.
I mourn perfection lost to me
And others that I long to see.

A harder, louder, faster pace -
The turmoil not just on my face.
My hands, they speak, "My God! My God!
Have mercy now and spare Thy rod!

"My heart would e'er do all You ask.
See penitence behind this mask
Of contemplation, solemn bliss.
My heart, Lord. I have naught but this."

And soon a peace within me grows.
My frantic movement, now it slows.
Arpeggios - the tune grows kind
And ease o'erflows my troubled mind.

My melodies are never quite
Enough to get my feelings right,
But God above, He sees and knows
My inward song and how it goes.

For few this language ever speak,
And fewer still resolve to seek
A melody to call their own;
No hidden tune, but one that's shown.

But I, I pray that God above
Would look upon this child in love
To grant me this - on His bright shore
That I may fly forever more.