R.I.P.

Hello, people who actually read this. Tonight's post will be a little different. On my way to church tonight, a song began to play on my mp3 player that reminded me of my friend Keith. Please allow me to tell you our story.

A few years ago, Cat dated several guys who, consequently, became some of my favourite people to talk to. There was Scotty, whose decision to follow Jesus has made him an even more awesome friend. She texted a guy named Alex for a very long time, and I continued to talk to him for a year or so after she moved on. We lost communication when we both started college together. The most random friend I made, however, was Cat's ex-boyfriend's cousin, Keith. Cat and John dated for a long time, but Keith and I never met face-to-face until much later. Our first conversation began by building a pyramid of periods together in an aim chat window. We would go on, however, to converse almost every day until the summer of 2011.

Keith taught me about obscure foreign films, chemistry, gross random youtube videos, the joys of learning German, and the views of someone who thought that they didn't matter. In return, I did not cease to find some way to help him, make him laugh, make him smile really big, or point out his accomplishments. He would often say that he had no purpose - that he didn't belong. In one such conversation that had lasted about five hours, he made a statement that there wasn't any reason that he should be alive. I asked him to promise me something, and he consented. I asked him to tell me goodbye if he ever decided to take matters into his own hands. The next day, I was relieved and excited to see his username pop up on my screen with his standard mono-syllabic "hey." 

Towards the end of my freshman year at Bob Jones, he underwent a change. Most people would have said it was for the better. It only perplexed me. He began saying, "lol" and "cool" and "what's up!?" all the time. Now, reader, you must understand that this just wasn't the norm for him when we talked. He was unmatched in sarcasm and once spent an entire evening pointing out the emptiness of those very words. He began hanging out with friends more, though, and I felt that he might really be happy, then thought no more of it.

Washington state was my home this past summer. My cousins Garth and Becky put up with me for over three months! Something interesting did happen while I was there, though. One day, just as I finished my shower, my phone began to ring. This wasn't totally unexpected. I had been job-hunting a lot. When I looked at it, however, it was a South Carolina area code. No one really calls me. ^_^ I answered . . . but no one spoke. Three more times I repeated my "Hello?", and finally a quiet masculine voice said, "Later, Fur." and hung up! To be quite honest, I was a little disturbed, but I shook it off and continued getting ready. The odd "bad feeling" that had been with me for a few days was still bothering me. That night, I was informed by my Facebook that Keith was no longer with us. He had decided to take his own life less than ten hours before. It wasn't until the next day that I matched the mysterious caller's voice with that of my favourite random friend. It wasn't until the ride to church tonight that I remembered the promise I asked him to make.

I will never have an answer to my questions now. Did he know that he made me laugh more by saying nothing than any other guy's constant rambling? Did he realize that I admired him for being the most honest being I had ever met? Did he know that he had been a better friend to me by walking miles to campus on a Sunday afternoon just to play a game of chess than most any one else? He kept his word to me.

Does he know that I miss him?

*~FUR~*

Inward Song

I sit upon a leather stool
And touch the keys so smooth and cool.
A sturdy perch, a steady eye -
I take my aim before I fly.

My running fingers stretch my wings
As hammers downward strike the strings.
A note, a chord, a melody -
Progress into sweet harmony.

My bird-like song is twisting now
And changing with my sobered brow.
A playful tune is fine to start,
But soon my fingers speak my heart.

With darker tones I speak of sin,
Of darkness deep and strong within.
I mourn perfection lost to me
And others that I long to see.

A harder, louder, faster pace -
The turmoil not just on my face.
My hands, they speak, "My God! My God!
Have mercy now and spare Thy rod!

"My heart would e'er do all You ask.
See penitence behind this mask
Of contemplation, solemn bliss.
My heart, Lord. I have naught but this."

And soon a peace within me grows.
My frantic movement, now it slows.
Arpeggios - the tune grows kind
And ease o'erflows my troubled mind.

My melodies are never quite
Enough to get my feelings right,
But God above, He sees and knows
My inward song and how it goes.

For few this language ever speak,
And fewer still resolve to seek
A melody to call their own;
No hidden tune, but one that's shown.

But I, I pray that God above
Would look upon this child in love
To grant me this - on His bright shore
That I may fly forever more.

Blast from the Past

I realized today that having the highlights of my poetry and short stories on Facebook isn't the best idea . . . so I'm going to slowly transfer them here. ^_^ Enjoy! (If anyone actually reads this . . . )


(because Fur likes to write incredibly stupid children's stories when she's tired...)

>>>>>Once upon a time there was a slug. This slug was anything but average.It was much slower than normal, much slimier than normal, and much MUCH more stupid than normal. Every day it would slither outside of its little hole and slide over the same rocks and grass it did every day. One day, something happened to it that changed it completely. It was sliding over a rock with its friend slug when a shadow suddenly covered the all of the land within its sight. It was a lion! A lion had actually stopped to observe her! This was scary! This had never happened before! What was going to happen?

>>>>>The slug and the lion began talking. They had heard the story of the lion and the mouse, and realized that they would be great friends, even better than that lion and mouse. The slug and the lion then met every day at the same rock and talked and goofed off...well...as much as was possible for a lion and slug to goof off. Every day the slug would slither to that rock and wait. She never really expected the lion to show up. She kept expecting him to forget her, but almost every day they met and talked. They talked so much that, eventually, the slug forgot completely that she was so minute and took the lion's company for granted.

>>>>>On the other hand, the lion's thinking was very different. He spent his days doing what he liked. He liked running with his friends and helping them when they were hurt. He enjoyed watching the lionesses because he loved how hyper and playful they always were. He really enjoyed spending time with the slug because it was different, and he actually could understand her even though they were so different. Nothing was really a burden to him. Every day was the same, but he was happy to go through each one.

>>>>>Soon they were inseparable. Not a day went by where their friends couldn't find them talking like two crazy creatures. The animal world was unbalanced. Soon, the slug began to imagine herself as a lioness and found herself completely lost in that new giant world. She was completely elated until, one day, the lion brought his favorite lioness friend to talk. The slug had never met another lion, and she had also never shown anyone else the "special rock" that was now stained with slime. Fear began to pry its icy fingers into her new, big world. She was terrified that it would all go away.

>>>>>How was she to know that she was absolutely right? It grew colder and colder outside as the season was changing to winter. The lions could walk around freely as they had done before, but the slugs had to alter their living arrangements. The scrawny little slug had to confine herself to her hole, but that was not what bothered her. She knew she had to leave her big world. She had to leave her lion friend. She had to leave him with his friends...and the lionesses that he liked to watch so much. She had to put all thoughts of the wonderful summer out of her mind. She knew it wouldn't be there when the long winter ended.

>>>>>For days the little slug slithered a little more slowly than usual and it seemed that the lion was more reluctant to come and talk. One day, about a week before she was to go into her hole, the lion told her something that set her mind straight about their sizes. He told her about his plans for the winter. He was to spend it with the guest he brought to the rock. He started talking slowly, but then sped up as he thought about it more, and his face twisted into the most amazing pleasant expression the slug had ever seen. She loved to see him excited. It was like slithering over a new rock, or finding a new shiny patch of grass to play in. She knew that he would be happy through winter and that she would never see him again. The thought branded itself on her tiny little brain and was accentuated when she was by herself.

>>>>>The day before she descended into her winter abode, golden king and insignificant pest met for the last time. The lion appeared with an apprehensive expression. He didn't know how to act. He was excited, but he didn't want to hurt his friend by feeling happy. The slug, not wanting to hurt HER friend, put on the biggest "smile" she could, and talked as little as possible. They parted after only a few minutes of talking---the one with a heavy heart, and the other with an air of nonchalance. The slug crawled into her familiar little hole and ceased moving. She knew that her friends would come visit her and she would have a good time. She would get hyper and play with them when the occasion called for it. Nothing, however, would replace her desire for that immense world, or that feeling of being equal with the most amazing creature in creation.

>>>>>A slug emerged from a hole on the first sunny day of spring. This slug was anything but average.It was much slower than normal, much slimier than normal, and much MUCH more stupid than normal. Every day it would slither outside of its little hole and slide over the same rocks and grass it did every day. Then one day, a shadow covered everything in its view. A pain ripped through its tiny little body as memories came flooding back, but then an unexpected thing happened. A flash of white, and all was quiet.

"Robby? ROBBY!! What are you doing!? Leave that slimy thing alone! What did it ever do to you? That's nasty! wipe it off before you come into this house, young man!"

X-D Have a nice week, y'all!

Ode to a Lione

The slug has transformed now into a great bear.
She feeds and protects all who trust in her care.
The lion is weakened - his mane long and rough.
Of his wav'ring ways, she's had more than enough.

There are many more lions, though she did not see,
At the time, how a true friendship really could be.
She wandered away from the rock cold and hard,
But she never quite learned how to put down her guard.
 
The round soot-black bear slowly searched for a place
Where the creatures she spoke to would not fear her face.
She encountered an ape with a deep, piercing gaze,
With such strength she had not seen in all of her days.


This primal new force quickly captured her trust,
Which had almost gone out with the gold lion's dust.
But no more than a friendship this ever would be
For a bear's no companion for ape-kind, you see.

Now alas, this she-bear knew her purpose was not
To be here with the strong one and his wand'ring lot.
No, she must move on, as the seasons and days,
But she misses him still...and his wise soothing ways.

A new forest realm she beholds now ahead
And a strange speaking creature with brown crowned head.
It speaks, and she stops. What a marvelous sound!
Such a voice...such a creature she had not yet found

Who could hold still her mind with such relative ease
As the calm after storms on the turbulent seas.
A voice that speaks truth in a kind, humble way
Is now able to effect a change in her day.

This she-slug-turned-bear is still paralyzed there
By this golden-voiced creature with darkened brown hair.
Oh to run away free! She would move if she could,
But for now she is stuck in this thrice-cursed wood.

Stages

So life consists of many stages for each actor. Different actors have different training, and each proves his own worth during that stage. A child, for instance, is either in training, or has been forced to begin performing without sufficient instruction. Training is generally applied by a parent or guardian, but sometimes the child draws training from those well-seasoned veteran performers that seem to be sprinkled evenly throughout the world's population. Regardless of the method of instruction, a child's background will bring a uniquely colorful interpretation to the overall act.

Obviously this analogy has holes, but I challenge you to examine your own life in these terms and evaluate your personal contributions to this play.

I will now endeavor to share my humble view of the Family Stage as obtained while visiting a town that sits a great way beyond my own.
Those in the Family Stage know that:
-the word "no" makes up the greater part of the household vocabulary.
-"blue" is a legitimate flavour.
-privacy is something read about in books.
-necessity is indeed the mother of invention.
-frequent showers/baths/loads of laundry/etc. are an inseparable part of life.
-man was born with a sin nature.
-true love requires what only God can give.

This observation may be flawed and is most definitely incomplete. What would you add?
You cannot always choose your circumstances, but you can change your efforts. You cannot choose where your life will end, but you can choose what leads it. You cannot make people love you, or stay with you, or even trust you, but you can love, and stay close, and trust. These are things I know but have not perfected.

There is a fine line between being outgoing and being obnoxious. "As he that taketh away a garment in cold weather, . . . so is he that singeth songs to an heavy heart." " . . . a brother is born for adversity."

That is probably a sufficient amount of random rambling for today. Please have a wonderful weekend.

*~FUR~*
Proverbs 31:30
Psalm 19:14

Hello Seattle ♥

Hola mis amigos!

Today has been full of new and exciting activities just as every day before here at the Henson house in Port Orchard, Washington. God has blessed this house. I pray He will continue to. Every morning I wake up to the sound of my little kiddy cousins running around. Almost every day is filled with some sort of project or goal - anything from cleaning the house to taking a trip to someone's house for a play date. Somehow this full yet flexible schedule makes me very happy.

The Legislative Building from the church's field trip to the capitol.

I have ceased to be a novelty here, however. My friends at church are starting to be just that - friends - instead of fans. ;-) There have been so many opportunities to get to know them better during this trip. A friend named Benjy had a birthday party and a workday for his Eagle Scout project. Both of those were unexpectedly gratifying. The birthday party included grilling out and singing around a campfire followed by an opportunity to sing with my friend while he played his guitar. The workday consisted of many many tangled roots, thorns, and tree trunks which were pulled, hacked, yanked, and hauled away to make a beautiful path through a bit of forest to make room for a nice picnic area. Being covered in dirt at the end of the day felt awesome! I was even able to help haul logs from a tree they had felled! Of course, watching the men devour the cookies we had made was enjoyable too. ^_^

Becky has enabled me to experience a multitude of "firsts" during my first month here. Transporting Sarah and Benjamin in a minivan on the highway to their piano lesson while Garth and Becky and Ruth took Rachel to the doctor to have tubes put in her ears was definitely a "first." Becky had me go through a drive-thru, which I had never done before. She taught me how to mow a lawn, iron a fancy shirt, and cook a bunch of different dishes. I am learning so much! I changed a diaper for the first time, and now I have a job watching two little boys (ages 4 and 18 months). Their mother has asked me to help with some computer jobs as well. I was even more pleased when she told me that I could do the computer work from college.

I really believe that this is where God would have me for the summer. I have no idea if I am truly as much of a help to my cousins as I hope to be, but God has some lessons here for me. Having a constant church again has impacted my relationship with God in a positive way. I had been struggling a little with that. Also, since this area is made up of so many families, there is almost always help needed, even if it is something small. It is nice to be needed. He has been teaching me a lot about families as well, but that is a subject for another post. ;-) It really feels like home up here. I have seen a wedding, a funeral, a baby shower, a graduation, a recital, and many birthdays. God is SO GOOD! Every day the cloudy sky boasts of his beauty. The snow-capped mountains point up to Him. The very flowers and inlets and bays scream of his wisdom, intelligence, and lordship. There are many more lessons for me to learn, and I am more excited now than I was before I came. He has a plan for me. I will trust Him.

*~FUR~*

Proverbs 31:30

Psalm 19:14

Learning is a...Learning...Experience...?

There are many things one expects to learn at college - math, English, music, art, science, etc., and some would even include things like how to do laundry, how to make an efficient schedule, the most profitable way to study, etc. At Bob Jones, one also (hopefully) expects to learn more about the Bible and its Author. All of these things I am learning here at BJU, but there is so much more here than that. God has placed me here for a reason. Every day there is another instance where I see this, and it still surprises me! It is SUCH an encouragement to see how God uses the events in your past to help illustrate the lessons you are learning today. He is truly all-wise.

Today, I was able to experience another such instance. In my counseling class this morning, someone asked what the teacher thought of a family's prayer to heal one of its members, then having to bury that member soon after. The student pointed out a passage we had been looking at (James 5:13-18) and was somewhat confused. The teacher responded by asking what his initial prayer request for the cancer person was. The student replied "for healing". The teacher paused for a moment, then asked the class if they thought this was a good prayer request. Most people were silent. Another brave student raised his hand. This other student stated that nothing was wrong with it, and that he was wondering about verse fourteen as well. Something was not making sense here...then one young lady seated toward the front raised her hand and quietly answered, "We never know how God may use something such as cancer. It may have been that He was using that situation in someone else's life. It was not in His perfect plan to heal that one on earth, though they are eternally healed now. When we pray, if our goal in life is God's glory, we should pray that His will be done, not that our will be done, and praise Him whatever the outcome." Again, there was silence in the room as each mind contemplated this idea that had been introduced. The teacher agreed, and continued to expound on this idea. 

After discussion about HOW we should pray, he then addressed the confusion about verse fourteen. He suggested a better way to read the word "sick" in that particular instance as "weak", "discouraged", or "afflicted". Here is the passage in question:

¹³Is any among you afflicted? let him pray. Is any merry? let him sing psalms.

 ¹⁴Is any sick among you? let him call for the elders of the church; and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord:

 ¹⁵And the prayer of faith shall save the sick, and the Lord shall raise him up; and if he have committed sins, they shall be forgiven him.

 ¹⁶Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.

 ¹⁷Elias was a man subject to like passions as we are, and he prayed earnestly that it might not rain: and it rained not on the earth by the space of three years and six months.

 ¹⁸And he prayed again, and the heaven gave rain, and the earth brought forth her fruit. 

The teacher explained that this passage was addressed to a people who were being "afflicted" for their beliefs. According to him, this passage was intended for people who are severely discouraged or afflicted - people who were weak and needed help. He added that it made no sense for people to come straight to the elders for a physical ailment, when the elders were not trained as physicians. When you view the passage "as it was intended", it makes perfect sense for a weak, discouraged, and afflicted person to come before his fathers and ask for help. "Healing" that affliction with "anointing of oil" begins to make much more sense, and naturally fits.

As he was talking, I understood what he was talking about. There is no doubt in my mind that someone can be so discouraged, so weak, so afflicted, that they need the support of their "elders". Someone can become so discouraged that it makes them literally weak and even "sick". It is not a very pretty sight. I am firmly convinced that being constantly spiritually discouraged can be even more addicting than worry. From personal experience, I KNOW that when you come to a point where you yourself have lost hope and feel like you cannot pray, you need to go to those who are there to help specifically with your spiritual life (or lack thereof). They come around and pray for you, and also "anoint you with oil" or as the teacher put it, they help you "wash up". When someone becomes discouraged and loses hope, they tend to become slightly disheveled and unorganized. These people come around to help "put you back on your feet". 

This passage made sense to me. I agreed with what he was saying, and yet some in the class begged to differ. Though ashamed of my sin that messed me up and put me in most of my "hard times", I am so thankful that God walked me through them. He is working here. He is most definitely working here...

*~FUR~*

Proverbs 31:30

Psalm 19:14

p.s. Please let me hear stories from you! I want to hear how God's working in your area. ^_^