Recently I've read so many articles, magazines, posts, and blogs about "How to Forgive Others" and "10 Steps to Forgiving Those Who Hurt You", and I say......if it takes that much effort and thought to forgive someone...even of the most terrible things...is not that a whole lot of emphasis on self? I mean...if you are a Christian, then your aim is to focus on what God is focusing on. If you are so filled with the Spirit and immersed in His words, then your attitude should reflect His. Do not mistake me; I am not perfect. In this area, I have failed more than once. Just hear me out (or read!), however.
The greatest fruit of the spirit (and, therefore, the most conspicuous mark of a born again, growing Christian) is love. Here is what the Bible has to say about that:
The greatest fruit of the spirit (and, therefore, the most conspicuous mark of a born again, growing Christian) is love. Here is what the Bible has to say about that:
"If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3 If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned,[a] but have not love, I gain nothing.4 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant 5 or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful;[b] 6 it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. 7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.8 Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when the perfect comes, the partial will pass away. 11 When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways. 12 For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known.13 So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love." I Corinthians 13
Consider this...if a one-year-old is walking around the house telling himself to put one foot in front of the other and gazing at the ground, we don't really consider that strange. Also, we expect him to fall at random times, and laughing usually ensues (after we help him up!). Now picture a forty-year-old man walking down the street telling himself to put one foot in front of the other while gazing at the ground beneath him. It would look silly, right? That is exactly the problem I'm talking about! I have seen a trend in some "Christian circles that disturbs me. When someone wrongs another, the first reaction is either complete silence and the beginning of the "I'll forget this ever happened" process, or a confrontation in which both parties are only prepared to hear how they are right and the others are sorry. Even after the situation has been talked to and apologies exchanged with the right heart, some truly horrible events are hard to forget. On a personal level, the crime is repeated and thought about...help is sought from friends and mentors on how to forgive...on how to "let go". I suppose it would be heartless of me to say "grow up!". It would be, because I have done the same thing. There isn't anything wrong with asking for help, and it is definitely a good sign that they want peace!
Honestly, though, that sounds like a forty-year-old having trouble walking. Forgiveness! It shouldn't be such a hard thing to do. It should be like walking if you are right with God. If a fellow Christian lies, tries to ruin your reputation, or even physically harms you, YES...seek help...don't become a doormat, and protect yourself, but forgiveness should be the least of your worries. It should be natural. It should be your nature. It comes with love. If your Christian brother or sister turns on you, it hurts...yes, but the process of forgiveness shouldn't take twenty days, months, or years. It should be natural.
Let me give you a scenario. Say your best friend from your childhood grows up and has a family and continues to be right there beside you even when you both have kids and lives of your own. Say that, one day, you find that they have been telling members of the church awful things about you and how you have decided to raise your family, and that they only pretend to be supportive of you. Consider the fact that, all the while, you've been telling them personal, cherished things. How could they betray you like this?? How could they be so cruel!?
This reaction is normal.
If you are a new believer, then it wouldn't be surprising to observe you constantly reminding yourself to forgive and forget. It wouldn't be surprising to see you constantly meeting with people to talk about how best to "deal with" this tragedy in your social/spiritual life. That's normal. It's a growth process. It's how you learn how to cope and how to grow and how to learn about God's heart on the matter. If you are not a new Christian, then seeing the same reaction would be a little odd. What is a grown man (spiritually) doing seeking constant counsel for? Why is a grown man (spiritually) having to constantly remind himself to have the right attitude. No. This is an elementary lesson. Even on a seemingly (to us as humans) catastrophic level, this is something we should have learned a long time ago.
Forgiveness is an action, yes, but it is not some spontaneous earth-shattering moment of closure. It is a decision. It is instant. It is history. Love isn't constantly thinking "How do I forgive this person for the ridiculous wrong they have done me? How will I ever trust them again??" No. Love is too busy wondering, "Are they alright? That doesn't seem like them. How can I help them? I wonder what other person has been hurt by this. Is there anything that can be done do help this family over here?" Love sits beside the person spouting garbage at it, waiting for a pause in the conversation to ask why they are acting that way. Love doesn't join in the gossip or slander. Love believes that good things may still come from the "trespasser". It doesn't have to consciously tell itself "OK. Keep your mouth shut. Bear it. It's wrong, but keep your mouth shut." No! It doesn't say that you should let yourself be trampled over! But if you are filled with the Spirit, and Love is natural, then true selflessness will be the result. Selflessness that makes you realize that the wrong your have endured isn't extremely important in the light of eternity...that the breakdown of a reputation or possible job loss or injured family is hurtful, but not an end to everything.
-Fur
-Fur
Proverbs 31:30
Psalm 19:14
p.s. I know I rambled. It's 3am. I apologize. :)
