Sugar-Induced Speech

Happy Un-birthday, my friends. At least, to my friends on the east coast. ^_^ Being 19 will not feel very different from turning 16, in my opinion. Birthdays are still a great cause for celebration, however! May you all have a wonderful Christmas filled with family time, good food, and praise to God for "His unspeakable gift." 

I'm spending Christmas break in Washington state. It's amazing what time with family will do for you. It provides refreshment for a slightly withered heart. It provides sharpening for a slightly dulled mind. What miracles God provides for us! Even the smallest details of a family point to Him. Watching a child learn to obey reminds me of God. How our whining voices must grate on His nerves, yet He is never impatient. He is always just, and always loving. He is so perfect. Why me? Why did He choose to save me??

This Christmas, while being insanely awesome, has been somewhat hard as well. I wish that I could honestly say to someone that I loved them without it being taken wrong. Has the word lost its meaning? How does one repair a friendship when words have been taken the wrong way? When one mistake crumbles five years of iron-hard credibility, how does one correct the mistake, or else rebuild? Would that I had the answer. God's working here. I do know that. Jesus, a man whose words were truly understood by no one on a daily basis has my utmost respect. There is a lesson to be learned there.

Life can be cruel. Men pick women based on a list of qualities similar to those of a good race horse. Something tells me that method will miss some important attributes. Why is this issue such a thorn in so many of my girl friends' sides? Good women longing to have a family of their own...willing to sacrifice of their lives to raise children for God...willing to sacrifice of themselves to serve a husband...willing to put in the time and effort to resolve problems with him and remain loyal regardless of feelings...good women like these, if godly men seek those qualities, should have no problems, right? Granted, it shouldn't be a cause for them to worry, for God IS all-sufficient, but I wish that for them. I wish them the joy that that particular life-situation brings, and the grace to get through all of the trials it entails. And what trials they are! 

God can heal the broken family. God can melt the most stubborn heart. God gives grace (and even JOY) to those struggling with grievous burdens. PRAISE GOD! May all praise be given to Him, for He is worthy of it, and no one else. Praise Him.

*~FUR~*

Proverbs 31:30

UPDATE!! ^_^

So, college has swallowed up all of my time, but that's not necessarily a bad thing, right? There are so many things going on here. Here's a brief rundown!

Living in the dorms has allowed me to see even more clearly how different I am from most people. Some things I just don't quite have together yet, and other things (which most have problems with) I understand. It's thrilling to be able to learn from other people, though. God certainly has placed me in the middle of a GREAT group of young men and women, and I would not be any other place right now. Every day proves again that this is god's will for my life at this exact moment, and that makes getting through each day much easier.

As far as petty drama goes, there is little to none of that. There have been a few flare ups (one involving the Lion), but it has been pretty quiet on that front. Of course there always has to be a little drama when you "like" someone. **sigh** Such is life.  Patience was never my strong point...at least when it came to myself.

It seems like so many people have become ill or even died this semester. So many people are sad and searching for something desperately. I wonder if I am just seeing these things more, because I am older, or if it is because people my age that I know personally are beginning to fall into the usual paths of man. Would that men would see how life could be in the will of the all-powerful, all-loving God!!

That's basically all. Jamie Yow is an amazing roommate, and I shall miss her next year. I miss my best friend Ben and all of my other friends in Anderson, but it can be fun to make new ones. There is another guy up here who is candidate for best-friendship whose name is also Ben, and that makes me laugh. We'll see how long it takes him before he cracks and cannot stand me any more. ;-p I hope you all had a great Thanksgiving! God is SO GOOD! It's said many times, but it really is true! A whole life of praise is still not enough. good thing He's given us eternity to try and make it up!

*~FUR~*
Proverbs 31:30
Psalm 19:14
I Corinthians 13

Give me You eyes for just one second.

Give me Your eyes so I can see

Everything that i keep missing.

Give me Your love for humanity.

Give me your arms for the brokenhearted,

The ones that are far beyond my reach.

Give me Your heart for the ones forgotten.

Give me Your eyes so i can see. 

Crush...?

Good evening, cyberworld. ^_^ It's late, and i have a ton of questions running through my head.

What is it exactly that makes one person like another person? How do you define attraction. I don't mean the dictionary. I mean you personally. So many girls I have talked to like someone because they are cute, or because know they would benefit from having a relationship with that person. What's up with that? Since when was that a great basis for starting a relationship with someone? One of my friends told me that guys weren't as shallow in college...that they actually were looking for young women of substance. Another friend told me that they are pretty much the same as in high school...some are shallow and some are trying to be pretty good guys. Which do you consider it to be? A teacher once said, "What you get a guy with is what you keep him with." and that has stuck with me for all these years. What exactly draws "the right kind of guy" then? Are there any left? Is it normal for a girl like me to wonder if there could possibly be anyone out there who would take damaged goods even if they could get past the shoddy wrapping? Hhhhmmmm...my adopted brother has always told me that he loves my personality and that some guy will be very happy some day to enjoy that too. He's a great encouragement. Even though most people consider him to be a normal rebellious or idiotic teenage guy, he's actually taught me a lot about life, and I hope that he finds a good woman to help him out in life. ^_^ Where was I? Oh yeah...there are so many philosophies about how a girl should act in these situations nowadays. Some people say it's alright for a girl to start showing interest in a guy. Others say that under no circumstances should a girl initiate anything. This confuses me thoroughly. It's natural to like someone, but should a girl ever...EVER...do anything about it? (this coming from the girl who had to be taught how to flirt by her best guy friend...well...ex-friend?...ish...?) I suppose that is why they call them crushes. Does anyone have any good ideas for making one go away? Maybe not thinking about it at all and just focusing harder on schoolwork and responsibilities would do it, eh? :-\ (not really) As I sit here in this cold main entrance house, I reflect on the buckets of fun I have had with new friends here at Bob Jones.

ANOTHER thing...(I'm sorry to just keep blabbing about myself...I really would like your input)...no girl or woman I have ever talked to (with one exception which shall go unnamed) has ever had the same "weaknesses" as I do when it comes to guys they like. Popular ones are a great smile and good hair and cute eyes...among other things...but that really doesn't matter to me. One guy looks like the next to me. It is their voice, their bearing, their personality which draws me. Rats...I sound like a Jane Austin novel, don't I? :-\ Maybe I'm just too old at heart to be able to have a real relationship. Hahaha. A deep voice that speaks truth in a strong tone of leadership but maybe slightly nervous makes me smile. I have no idea why, but it does. A guy like that deserves an excellent help-meet, however. That's it...maybe I should focus more on striving to be the kind of woman God wants me to be (for He is the perfect Father, friend, and leader). HEY! Novel thought. ^_^ Time to go practice. I hope you all have a wonderful night, and remember that god is SO GOOD all the time!!!!!!!

*~FUR~*
Proverbs 31:30

Thank You

Tonight, I would just like to take the time to acknowledge the services (or lack thereof) of a few groups of people. First of all, I would like to thank custodial and the Bob Jones design team for the beautiful job they have done and continue to do on the Fine Arts bathroom floors. They are a soothing pattern, and they are relatively clean and shiny. They are cool to the touch, which is a good thing when you find yourself curled up in the fetal position for an hour and a half. ^_^ Also, I would like to thank the many young women who passed through the second floor bathroom today and gave plenty of space and silence to the girl in the corner. I'm sure they were too concerned they would break my concentration to come and ask if I were in need of assistance. There was one girl, however, who did venture to inquire as to my current state. Having done her good deed and hearing my answer of, "Ibuprofen......please..." she hurried off to her next class. I'm sure an extremely pale, sweaty, shivering female scrunched on the bathroom floor probably doesn't look like a warm and fuzzy interaction, but there was one girl who eventually heard me and went to get a GA. This GA was so nice! She managed to get some water, ibuprofen (which I couldn't take as I had managed to relocate myself by a great porcelain throne from nausea caused by pain), and supervision while I lay there. In the pauses between my stomach trying to tear itself apart, I managed to find out her name and a bit about herself. I even cracked a joke! :-D Eventually the pain subsided enough for me to relocate once again to the sofa in her office where I was VERY thankful for a comfy couch and a nice fleecy blanket to sleep off the rest of this "episode". At around 11:40, she woke me up and told me the time. I managed to apologize and thank her then headed off to my next class. No one should miss History of Civ. lecture! Next, I am thankful for my group of friends in the Snack Shop who unknowingly provided me with some much needed sustenance of half of a nutella and peanut butter bagel. With the use of one of their laptops, I was able to complete my English homework in time for the tutorial that followed my break. A nap seemed good, and I am so very thankful for the inventor of the alarm clock. It woke me up to tell me it was time for work. I arrived two hours late, however, but I am thankful for an amazing and supportive department who helped me make amends. God bless the crickets...^_^ He painted the sky wonderfully today. It was filled with all sorts of puffy clouds in varying shades of white and grey. Thank God for beautiful music, humour, and the ability to learn. Thank God for the ability to walk and talk without pain. Praise Him for making me a female even if it seems unfortunate at the time. ;-) PRAISE GOD! *_*

*~FUR~*
Proverbs 31:30

"I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well."     -Psalm 139:14 <3

"I'll Love You Forever!"

I'm a girl.

No really...I am. Why are you laughing...? Think about it. I say this, because sometimes I do stupid girl things, and then I write about it on my blog. :-P I was wondering today if any of you (the people who actually read this) have ever been in an abusive relationship. Before you answer, though, I would like to point out that you can be verbally, mentally, and emotionally abused as well as physically. Have you ever found yourself in a relationship (whether it be romantic, friendly, or familial [man I hope that's a real word...]) where you give every bit of strength you have to remain loyal, helpful, and amusing, yet problem after problem arose where you were the bad guy and the other the victim? Why is it that some people attach themselves so strongly to everyone, even when they know that they will never receive even close to the amount of "love" they have given? For so long, I have wondered if they were wrong to do this, or if it is "just the way they are". Let me post two passages that always seem to give me a hard time whenever I think this way. The one in Proverbs is contextually referring to the "forbidden woman", but verses ten and eleven seem to be applicable to more than that. Please, tell me if I'm erring there.

Proverbs 5:7-17

"And now, O sons, listen to me, and do not depart from the words of my mouth. Keep your way far from her, and do not go near the door of her house, lest you give your honor to others and your years to the merciless, lest strangers take their fill of your strength, and your labors go to the house of a foreigner, and at the end of your life you groan, when your flesh and body are consumed, and you say, "How I hated discipline, and my heart despised reproof! I did not listen to the voice of my teachers or incline my ear to my instructors. I am at the brink of utter ruin in the assembled congregation." Drink water from your own cistern, flowing water from your own well. Should your springs be scattered abroad, streams of water in the streets? Let them be for yourself alone, and not for strangers with you."

This is talking more about a marital thing, but does it not also apply to the emotions and mentality that go along with it? I know for a fact that you can be married to someone all but physically. It's been proven to me. This seems to suggest to me that there is a point at which you stop giving. I am confused at this, however. Where is that point? If someone treats you wrongly, the common attitude today is one of "Oh, let it go. If they are going to treat me badly, I'm not going to stick around. I don't care any more." I agree with the not sticking around part, but aren't we to still care? Maybe I'm confused about the different types of love? It seems to me, however, that if you love your neighbor as yourself, there shouldn't be much of a difference between the self-denying love in a marriage and the self-sacrificing love in a friend. Is there ever a point where we are not to love or SHOW love to someone?? This brings up another passage in my mind.

I Corinthians 13:1-8a

"Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love. I am a noisy gong, or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.***Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; It does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love BEARS all things, BELIEVES all things, HOPES all things, ENDURES all things. LOVE NEVER ENDS.***

Half the people I've talked to say it is wrong to wear your heart on your sleeve, and that one must have discretion. I believe they are right about discretion, but I cannot stand "fakeness". Why can't someone "wear their heart on their sleeve?" I don't mean going around constantly yapping about what you believe (Proverbs calls that a fool). I mean when interacting with people, telling them the truth. Not saying everything can be good sometimes, but asking a question you don't genuinely want the answer to, or pretending to be interested in someone when you're not really bugs me. If you have any answers or insight to this rambling post, please post them. It would be greatly appreciated!! Sorry for the length. ^_^

*~FUR~*

Proverbs 31:30

"Owe no man any thing, but to love one another: for he that loveth another hath fulfilled the law."

-Romans 13:8

I'm Hungry!

Everyone has those days where you wake up late, have to rush off without breakfast and start working. Everyone has those days where your work completely swallows you up and makes lunch impossible. Everyone has those days, so everyone should understand how hungry a person can get. They're not starving, granted, but they're pretty stinkin' hungry! Today was one of those days. My thanks goes out to Miss Random Personne who handed me a Nutri-Grain bar to me in eight o'clock General Psychology class. Supper isn't for another hour, and I am having to resist the urge to maliciously decapitate all of Jamie's teddy grahams. <_< This got me thinking, and I was scared to catch myself having a "Sunshine on the Soapsuds" moment.

Everyone has those days where you wake up late and have to rush off without reading their Bible. Everyone has those days where your work completely swallows you up and makes a quiet moment of prayer impossible. Everyone has those days, but many don't understand why they're spiritually malnourished. Many people don't even know how to read the signs.

Honestly, college scared me. It scared me, because I was afraid of failure. Disappointing people will probably always be my biggest fear, and you can ask me why off of here if you would like. It wasn't lack of preparation for the classes that stumped me here, however. Mainly the difficulty has been a social one. Not having anything to say tends to shut down conversations quickly. Having a nuetral countenance tends to bore those of normal teenage attention spans. This led me to wonder what my problem was. On one hand, I know that I'm different than anyone else. On the other, was I really lacking joy? Am I missing something? Guess what I remembered...with all of the worrying, scurrying, etc, I had been reading my Bible, but I had not spent enough time with God. It's so easy to read the bible as a textbook and forget that it's talking about a living, breathing God. He's done so much for me just this past month. He's provided funds, friends, food, and family, yet I still take him for granted. I was still worrying. I was checking off the "to-do" list I was reading every night without talking to and learning from the One who made it. He is patient. He is gracious. He is merciful. He is kind. He knows what lies ahead, and will give me the strength to accomplish the tasks He's given me. Spiritual food isn't just reading and making mental notes. That's like only drinking water every day. We need more. Pray that the Lord will fill me up and nourish my weak spirit, please.

It's always encouraging to hear from others. Feel free to tell me what God's been doing in your life. Post something so that God may be glorified among more people. ^_^

*~FUR~*
Proverbs 31:30



Let love be without dissimulation. Abhor that which is evil; cleave to that which is good. Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another; Not slothful in business; fervent in spirit; serving the Lord; Rejoicing in hope; patient in tribulation; continuing instant in prayer; Distributing to the necessity of saints; given to hospitality. Bless them which persecute you: bless, and curse not. Rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep. Be of the same mind one toward another. Mind not high things, but condescend to men of low estate. Be not wise in your own conceits. Recompense to no man evil for evil. Provide things honest in the sight of all men. If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men. Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord. Therefore if thine enemy hunger, feed him; if he thirst, give him drink: for in so doing thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head. Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good."

Providence in Patience

When waiting for college to start, I've found it incredibly frustrating to just sit around. Keeping busy is always helpful and allows less time for worrying about the millions of things that [possibly] could go wrong. This is the main reason I decided to go on a youth trip with my church to West Virginia. The only people remotely close to my age were a guy named Gage and a girl named Ali. We had tons of fun, and little opportunities to help out kept coming up just when I found myself not having anything to do. It was encouraging when I found that the youth group we were to spend a day with was made up of kids my age! God knows exactly how we feel every second of the day. Better...He knows how we WILL feel before we even come into the situation!

After a great trip, we stopped by a Burger King on the way home. Ali and I weren't really in the mood for a fast food burger, so we hiked up to the nearest Bojangles. The walk stretched out the kinks in our legs and backs that we got from being crammed into bus seats, and the pungent odour of cajun fried chicken greeted our noses. We were waiting for our food when a random black lady walked up to me and asked if I truly believed what my shirt said. I hadn't really given much thought to my "Be Real, Stay Pure" t-shirt with the "Blessed are the pure in heart" verse printed on the back. She asked again, and I answered that I did indeed. Her face lit up, and she said, "Then you're my sister! Come here, girl!" She proceeded to give me a hug, and we talked for a minute about how young people today are often too ashamed to proclaim the message of Christ. She saw Ali and asked her if she "knew Him". She answered that she did and was given a hug as well. A few more minutes of talking allowed us to hear about the church that she attended. Ali and I picked up our food and walked back to our group with smiles on our faces and excitement in our hearts.

I'm very sorry we were just passing through. The lady had invited us to a homecoming at her church, but we had to decline. If she was just a reflection of her entire church family, that would easily have been one of the most beautiful events I had attended. God knew I was wondering what it was like to be surrounded by fellow Christians who were excited and growing. He knew that I wanted to see if anyone outside of my little Anderson/Greenville bubble knew Him and counted every redeemed person as family and every lost person as a potential family member. You may call me dramatic, but I don't really care. He sent a sister from another "world" entirely across my path which had never happened before, and THAT is exciting!!!

Whispers of a tri-county Bible study during the upcoming school year, schemes for complete involvement in society activities, anticipations for a new life of work and study and an unhindered healthy lifestyle, and hopes of learning new life skills definitely make life seem to move at a slower pace. Add the element of not knowing where the support will come from to the mix, and you have the perfect picture of a person jogging up a narrow hill next to a very slippery slope of worry and depression...at least in my head. ;-p That's probably normal, though. I'm thinking I'm very close to another paradigm shift. You know what I'm talking about, right? Those moments where everything you thought you knew is suddenly and irreversibly seen in a new light, and it leaves you feeling sick until you get used to it...? It really makes you appreciate the old picture of a person holding onto God in the "storms" of life. They may not even be trials, but if your entire world shifts from under your feet, He truly is the only thing that remains unmoved. Little instances of His providence in my attempts at patient waiting remind me of that. ^_^

*~FUR~*
Proverbs 31:30

p.s. Thank you for your prayers! I'll let you know something...I have a thing for educated and upscale black men. If you didn't know that by now, then you must not know me very well. ;-) I hope you enjoy that feeling of humour and speechlessness you just had. Glad I could add a little "interestingness" to your day.