Providence in Patience

When waiting for college to start, I've found it incredibly frustrating to just sit around. Keeping busy is always helpful and allows less time for worrying about the millions of things that [possibly] could go wrong. This is the main reason I decided to go on a youth trip with my church to West Virginia. The only people remotely close to my age were a guy named Gage and a girl named Ali. We had tons of fun, and little opportunities to help out kept coming up just when I found myself not having anything to do. It was encouraging when I found that the youth group we were to spend a day with was made up of kids my age! God knows exactly how we feel every second of the day. Better...He knows how we WILL feel before we even come into the situation!

After a great trip, we stopped by a Burger King on the way home. Ali and I weren't really in the mood for a fast food burger, so we hiked up to the nearest Bojangles. The walk stretched out the kinks in our legs and backs that we got from being crammed into bus seats, and the pungent odour of cajun fried chicken greeted our noses. We were waiting for our food when a random black lady walked up to me and asked if I truly believed what my shirt said. I hadn't really given much thought to my "Be Real, Stay Pure" t-shirt with the "Blessed are the pure in heart" verse printed on the back. She asked again, and I answered that I did indeed. Her face lit up, and she said, "Then you're my sister! Come here, girl!" She proceeded to give me a hug, and we talked for a minute about how young people today are often too ashamed to proclaim the message of Christ. She saw Ali and asked her if she "knew Him". She answered that she did and was given a hug as well. A few more minutes of talking allowed us to hear about the church that she attended. Ali and I picked up our food and walked back to our group with smiles on our faces and excitement in our hearts.

I'm very sorry we were just passing through. The lady had invited us to a homecoming at her church, but we had to decline. If she was just a reflection of her entire church family, that would easily have been one of the most beautiful events I had attended. God knew I was wondering what it was like to be surrounded by fellow Christians who were excited and growing. He knew that I wanted to see if anyone outside of my little Anderson/Greenville bubble knew Him and counted every redeemed person as family and every lost person as a potential family member. You may call me dramatic, but I don't really care. He sent a sister from another "world" entirely across my path which had never happened before, and THAT is exciting!!!

Whispers of a tri-county Bible study during the upcoming school year, schemes for complete involvement in society activities, anticipations for a new life of work and study and an unhindered healthy lifestyle, and hopes of learning new life skills definitely make life seem to move at a slower pace. Add the element of not knowing where the support will come from to the mix, and you have the perfect picture of a person jogging up a narrow hill next to a very slippery slope of worry and depression...at least in my head. ;-p That's probably normal, though. I'm thinking I'm very close to another paradigm shift. You know what I'm talking about, right? Those moments where everything you thought you knew is suddenly and irreversibly seen in a new light, and it leaves you feeling sick until you get used to it...? It really makes you appreciate the old picture of a person holding onto God in the "storms" of life. They may not even be trials, but if your entire world shifts from under your feet, He truly is the only thing that remains unmoved. Little instances of His providence in my attempts at patient waiting remind me of that. ^_^

*~FUR~*
Proverbs 31:30

p.s. Thank you for your prayers! I'll let you know something...I have a thing for educated and upscale black men. If you didn't know that by now, then you must not know me very well. ;-) I hope you enjoy that feeling of humour and speechlessness you just had. Glad I could add a little "interestingness" to your day.

On Thrift and Necessity

"Go pick out what you need, but remember...BE CONSERVATIVE" said the woman to her daughter as they entered the local Wal-Mart. Mrs. wandered off, leaving Girl alone with her newspaper that was full of circled dorm items. About a half hour of shopping produced a cart with the following items:

-a bathroom towel/wascloth set of six pieces ($8)

-eighteen lime green plastic hangers ($1.50)

-three bowls ($2)

-four plates ($4)

-a floor lamp ($9)

-a bed set ($20) of

• one flat sheet
• one fitted sheet
• one comforter
• two shams
• two pillowcases 
• one duffel bag

 -a three-drawer tower ($15)

-a fluffy purple blanket ($15) just for fun!

Girl returned to Mrs. with thirty dollars in her pocket and hopes of not having to use it all. She was too optimistic. In the end, the hangers and blanket were removed. Only after ten minutes of questioning looks and hard discussion were the towels and tower allowed to remain. Once they had settled on a suitable division of payment, Mrs. commented that she would go get ice cream and meet Girl at the register. Watching marshmallows, corn dogs, popsicles, Cheez-Its, and forty-eight cans of Diet Coke go down the conveyor belt made Girl somewhat hungry, but she didn't mind. She was getting new stuff!!!! ^_^ Orange Dreamsicles don't keep you warm in the winter, but on a hot summer day, Girl didn't mind too much. 

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OH BOY! A SATIRE! :-D How exciting! 

Someone told me my last post was an epic fail, and I apologize. :) Blame Target for not keeping someone's online shopping cart open. I am thrilled to be able to room with one of my best friends since kindergarten. God has provided both my mother and me with jobs, and school cannot come soon enough! A clean slate in a somewhat new place is very welcome. If you feel like praying about it, could you please pray that God will protect me from shadows of the past? They are particularly strong in Greenville. Everyone has things they struggle with, and mine are mostly mental situations such as attitude and emotion. My last post asked for wishlists. On this post, I would love to hear how God is working in your life! He provides every need... and many times even more than we need. I know this. Do you have a story to share?

*~FUR~*

Proverbs 31:30

**Wish*Upon*a*Star**

So everyone has a wish list. Mines just happens to be slightly nerdier. ;-P 

College Version:  http://www.target.com/gp/cart/view.html/ref=nav_sc/178-7828870-7752116

I get to room with a girl who's been in my class since nursery at the Oak, and we dreamed of going all out with twinkle lights, paper lanterns, fuzzy rugs and pillows, and stylish sheets, but that's just what they are...dreams. :) We're going to sit around our hotpot and be completely happy, but sharing dreams is fun, so I'm posting access to a wishlist!! Here's some background information to help you envision this with us. :-P

Jamie's the kind of girl who like wearing bright purple or zebra print high heels. Her hair could outshine Barbie's (no joke!), and she loves the color purple in anything new and trendy. She has a great fashion sense, and can actually pull it off. She's a sports person, but she can chill and listen to music as well. She's just awesome like that. ;-)

I'm a complete nerd, so I adore capybaras, rubber duckies, paper lanterns, music, video games, classical books, and being neat and organized. My favourite color is black, and I LOVE that swirly black and white pattern that is so popular right now. I guess people finally got the clue that it was cool! Hahaha.

No one really posts replies on this here BLOG, but I'm requesting you too. I love looking at other people's lists, so POST YOUR OWN as a reply!! ^_^ Please. If you know me at all...you KNOW that I go absolutely crazy over people's birthdays. Have a wonderful day, and remember that it's completely fine to dream. God's all-sufficient, though. 

*~FUR~*

Proverbs 31:30

Psalm 19:14

Hello Again, World ^_^

Hey, you. Yes, you! The one in front of the screen reading this post. CONGRATULATIONS for taking the time to enlarge your mind by actually reading something. ^_^ That makes me smile! I was just wondering...do you know what it's like to go on a trip of some sort and get completely lost so that time appears to stand still? I went to Washington state to spend some time with my family, and I forgot I owned a dog by the end of the visit...yes...it was that bad. It is amazing what three weeks away from chaos can do for your mind. With all of the craziness of the past few years clogging up my head, I had forgotten who I was. YES I know that's incredibly cliche and corny, but it's true. I didn't know what I liked and disliked. All I could remember were memories of what this person liked and what this other person did when they found out. **breathe** I remembered that I did have a favourite cousin. :P I remembered that I absolutely LOVE video games, coloring, legos, books, Saturday morning cartoons, baking, and actually getting out and laughing with new people! I had forgotten all of that, and it had been replaced with long nights just sitting in front of the t.v. and telling my dog to be quiet.

It's easy to learn how to serve other people. It's much harder to take the initiative and go out of your way to find things to do. It's even more of a challenge to stand in someone's shadows and nod and smile at the appropriate time...waiting for your chance to do something by yourself. Being in a church made of old people...you tend to forget that new believer's excitement more quickly than a growing church (or maybe that's just me). A few nights in a younger church was so encouraging. I do forget why I'm living sometimes, and talking to fellow believers who are learning stuff for the first time and zealous can remind you of the One who loves you unconditionally. It is so encouraging to lift your voice in song with a sanctuary filled with sold-out Christians. Don't get me wrong...spending a few precious hours in a back room with an out of tune piano and a hymnal is a wonderful way to spend time with God. ;-) There's something about true fellowship, however.

Coming home to hear the constant  complaints about how fat people think they are, arguments over which reality tv show guy should win the girl, giggling about the latest teen icon, and gossip about the mistakes of fellow human beings was somewhat disappointing, and I found myself missing Washington terribly, but I suppose those things are common everywhere now. It's funny...God never has to clear His head of anything. He is all-knowing and holy and is SO FAR above all of the human obsessions! Would you like to know what else I had forgotten? I had forgotten that I am longing to work my hardest in and out of the classroom in college, because developing the skills God's given me for His glory is a heart goal. I had forgotten that God's been SOOOO good to me in even allowing me to GO to college! He has provided all of my needs, and even allowed my biggest dream to come true (a visit from my sister without a giant blow-up). He has given me friends when I most needed them, and even in reading my classical books, His Word echoes in my mind, telling me what is of the world, and what is not. It may sound funny, but this is my blog, so :-P!!!!!!!!! Have an amazing day, and GO READ MORE STUFF, smart person! 8-B

*~FUR~*
Proverbs 31:30
Psalm 19:14
p.s. my next post will basically be a wishlist, because I am a selfish person, and I would only tell people what I want when they don't read it. ^_^

♫ Jesus, Your Name is Power, Breath, and Living Water ♪

It is unbearably hot outside today, but I wanted to go outside anyways. Muggy heat is my least favorite kind of weather, but it is much better than being in a house facing the reality that is home, so I put up with it. I walked out there a while ago in a horrible funk, and talking to God. I was asking Him how to stop driving people away by being too honest or by sharing my heart with them. People don't really like that too much. No one ever told me that...oh well. Three people told me I needed professional help in the last twenty-four hours, and I believe them. Their stating it has made me feel completely worthless, however...like a broken toy. When you squeeze it, the voicebox can't quite get the doll's message across. My brain somehow can't quite connect with everyone else on the level that is considered "normal". It's kind of cute when you're five, but when you're a teenager going into college, it causes serious problems. No one ever told me that some people get angry when you ask them for help. It's a good thing I'm learning this now, eh? ;-) I told all of this to Him, and I know He has the answers, because He created me in the first place. He gave me the fundamental personality and put me in this environment for a reason, and I shouldn't resent that or be ill content. I was struggling today with feeling unloved, though. The sun just made me cranky, but God still does miracles. There is no doubt in my mind. Previously in my blog I posted a snippet about rain and what it means to me; to me, it is God's way of hugging you, and telling you He loves you. As I was walking in that awful heat, I felt the air grow cooler, but saw no change in light. IT'S RAINING! Right now, it is raining in that terrible sunshine! One million people telling me that God does not exist could never change my mind. Tell me that that is not an answer to prayer. He is amazing, and He loves me, even when I'm complaining. God loves me, and He has a plan for me. That is motivation enough to learn more about people and to learn whatever skills I need to understand, communicate with, and even help them. With God, nothing is impossible. Something funny I found is that no one really has the patience to sit down and think about or help someone who has a mental issue they need to work out unless they or someone close to them develops one. Why is that, I wonder? My mind can just picture people's thoughts when I say I'm going into Biblical Counseling. "Why would a girl who is messed up go into counseling? That's the last thing she should do." Perhaps...but maybe I want to help people like me? After all, no one else can seem to come up with an answer rather than a quick glance at their shoes when I ask them where I should turn for advice. :)

*~FUR~*
Proverbs 31:30
♫ ♪ ♥



p.s. I am not cutting out God from all of this, it's just easier to explain without going into a deep theological explanation of all of the controversial principles and standards surrounding this issue. ;)

What a Rush!

I wander into the living room and plop down onto the piano bench looking for some way to relieve the almost unbearable boredom that has been oppressing me all day. None of the songs seem to be the right mood for the day, but as I begin to tackle one of my Josh Groban books, the gray clouds slowly start to lift. The book sucks me in with its melodies until -*BOOM*-a crash of thunder rattles the house, breaking my concentration and casting a dissonant sound through the speakers of the keyboard. With a sigh, I rise from my cushioned seat and slowly open the door leading out of my muggy kitchen. A blast of cool misty air greets my warm face. It's beginning to rain. I step out onto the deck and feel the cool drops begin to play a game of tic-tac-toe on my outstretched arms. *BOOM* Another burst of thunder rips the sky, and the trees begin to dance wildly back and forth. In the trees' dance there comes a pause in which the rain comes down in torrents. I feel the water tickling my nose. The wind begins to toss the trees from side to side again, and it sends chills through me. What miracles God gives every day.

*~FUR~*

Proverbs 31:30

p.s. The storm was so much better than any water ride at Six Flags!! Wish you could have been there. ^_^

Teenagers...**eyeroll**

"Awww...look at little Katie. She's so cute in her new kindergarten outfit."
"Oh, I know! Isn't she adorable? Let's go talk to her!"///
"Oh, hey...it's the girl in the teen class who used to talk to us all the time after Sunday school."
"What's her name? Oh yes, Ronda. My, I feel sorry for the youth pastor."
"Yeah, I heard that she's quite a rough kid...likes to cause a scene."
**both shake head simultaneously**
///"Oh Kaaattiiiieeeee! **big smile** You look so pretty today!"
"You sure do! Would you like to help me play the big piano today or do you want some candy?"
"You're so sweet, Katie. Your parents must be so proud to have such a good little girl. You come and see us whenever you want, ok, honey?"///
 (As Ronda approaches and shakes the speakers' hands)
R: Good morning, ladies. God really made a wonderful sky today, didn't He? I hope you're doing well.
1: Hello.
2: Hi.
(As they walk away)
1: So Mrs. ^*^%, are you planning on coming to the play next weekend? I hear it's going to be a good one.
2: I'm not sure. You know I'd love to if I could. Oh look, Ronda's sitting next to that gothic-looking boy again.
1: **shakes head** You know, she used to be such a good little kid. I bet it's those friends of hers that brought her down.
2: You're probably right. What's becoming of young people these days?
1: I have no clue, but it's so sad to see them like this.      Teenagers...**shakes head**

Yes...obviously this is a made-up scenario...for the most part...but can you not see a problem with it? This has been an issue that has been making me <> angry for a very long time now. Little Katie is probably a sweet little girl whose biggest problem is sitting still during a lesson. She's adopted by all of the older ladies in the church, and when she grows up, she should have their support and love, right? Now look at Ronda. From the "story", we can deduce that she grew up there. She was probably one of the more rowdy kids, right? WRONG. She was an angel. She listened quietly to every message, and she always tried to talk respectfully to her elders, because that's what she was taught. She listened when someone told her to do something. So how did she become a "rebel"?

I'm sure that if you grew up in a southern church as I did, you would immediately relate to the picture of the older ladies talking to little Katie. As a child in that type of environment, everyone interacts with you, and everyone tries to teach you something. You are expected to sing Patch the Pirate songs and come to your adopted family when you have problems, and transgressions are easily forgiven. This was Ronda's childhood...but where was the change? Is it possible that it wasn't Ronda's attitude that changed with her age, but her "family's"?

Since I don't know everything, it would be foolish for me to present this idea as a solid fact, but I am not alone. The number of teens I have seen go through this experience is sadly growing higher and higher, and I seek to find an answer to it. Also, no one really reads my blog, so I can pretty much post anything within reason...^_^ The truth is that the world's image of what a teenager should be is so misshapen and ugly has crept into the minds of those same ladies (and gentlemen, for that matter) who dote on the little kids. Now it seems that when a child reaches a certain age, they are expected to be lazy, selfish, angry, rebellious creatures, and it is no wonder that's what more and more of them turn into. I don't understand. If you spend all of those years teaching a child how to live a Christian life, how to act, and how to respect and serve others, why would you change your expectations for them? True, Ronda is me, and I know I wasn't a complete angel, but the situation is still true.

I grew up in kid's church, Patch the Pirate Club, Girls' Club, and a Christian school, and I was expected to behave, to learn, and to think. My class graduated just this May, and I find that there are no more smiling faces waiting for me at church. Granted, I don't want the older women in my church coming up to me and pinching my cheeks. Since I am older, I can actually use my powers of thought and speech to have a decent conversation, but if I don't want to take part in gossip, spout an endless stream of small-talk and compliments, or listen to an entire room full of church ladies sit and complain about how many ailments they have and call it "sharing each others burdens", then I am a rude and insensitive child who does not deserve a second more of their time than the new teen who has a million body piercings and creeps them out. Now I do realize that hurts and pains are a part of life, and I will have them too some day. I'm not "downing" the idea of sharing burdens, but what happened to the cheery attitudes and helpful spirit I saw in the same ladies a few years ago? They made me want to be like them. They made me think that, with some hard work and reliance on God, I would be able to go through life alright, but that appearance seemed to have run away on my sixteenth birthday. Maybe it's because I just see more now? Now basically the only impression I get from them is that gossip is a part of life; it is ok to judge newcomers; complaining is now a community activity; and acting out against any tradition like these will just ostracize you more from their company.

I love those ladies...I really do! I have learned so much from them, but it has stopped! All trust between us has been crushed by their itching mouths and ears (pardon the weird phrasing there). I can no longer communicate with them, because I do not like being fake. Does that make any sense? When I talk to someone, I want to give them all of my attention, and listen to them. I'm not going to say, "Oh, that's so good!" or "Oh, I just loooove that!" if I really don't mean it. Words mean something! Some of my friends get irritated when I don't tell them I love them all the time. Those are special words. They don't need to be thrown around...even between friends! The more you say something, the less they mean. Have people forgotten that? What's with the fake smiles that turn into eyerolls when the back is turned? Why are they surprised when someone decides not to "serve"? Did you know that service is really not service unless it is voluntary? Forced love is not love at all. If someone can sing, and the church automatically expects them to join a choir, they are faced with disapproving looks and stern lectures about serving God if they do not. For goodness' sake, let the person join on their own! Why would you join a choir if you were doing it solely because you had to! That's like asking me to play piano forever while standing over my shoulder. It is forced...and it loses every aspect of "service". It is no longer from the heart. If you treat a child a certain way for long enough...they will most likely start acting like that. Anything they do in your eyes will be seen through that mindset, and there is no escape. No wonder there's so much anger...no wonder you hear all of those horrible stories of good little Christian kids who grew up with a giant adopted family to support them and then became horrible people. Goodness! It really is ridiculous.

I really need to go now, but I don't want to leave you with my frustration. I do realize that the best thing to do is be obedient no matter what, and remember that God has placed me where He has placed me for a reason. People will fail you, because no one is perfect, and the only constant is God. That is a great thing. That is something that causes joy. My intention in this was not to complain, but to rant and explain something important that will probably never be heard of outside of this page. Thanks for taking the time to read this. :) Have a wonderful day, and don't forget that SOMEONE is looking up to you!!!

*~FUR~*
Proverbs 31:30