Sugar-Induced Speech

Happy Un-birthday, my friends. At least, to my friends on the east coast. ^_^ Being 19 will not feel very different from turning 16, in my opinion. Birthdays are still a great cause for celebration, however! May you all have a wonderful Christmas filled with family time, good food, and praise to God for "His unspeakable gift." 

I'm spending Christmas break in Washington state. It's amazing what time with family will do for you. It provides refreshment for a slightly withered heart. It provides sharpening for a slightly dulled mind. What miracles God provides for us! Even the smallest details of a family point to Him. Watching a child learn to obey reminds me of God. How our whining voices must grate on His nerves, yet He is never impatient. He is always just, and always loving. He is so perfect. Why me? Why did He choose to save me??

This Christmas, while being insanely awesome, has been somewhat hard as well. I wish that I could honestly say to someone that I loved them without it being taken wrong. Has the word lost its meaning? How does one repair a friendship when words have been taken the wrong way? When one mistake crumbles five years of iron-hard credibility, how does one correct the mistake, or else rebuild? Would that I had the answer. God's working here. I do know that. Jesus, a man whose words were truly understood by no one on a daily basis has my utmost respect. There is a lesson to be learned there.

Life can be cruel. Men pick women based on a list of qualities similar to those of a good race horse. Something tells me that method will miss some important attributes. Why is this issue such a thorn in so many of my girl friends' sides? Good women longing to have a family of their own...willing to sacrifice of their lives to raise children for God...willing to sacrifice of themselves to serve a husband...willing to put in the time and effort to resolve problems with him and remain loyal regardless of feelings...good women like these, if godly men seek those qualities, should have no problems, right? Granted, it shouldn't be a cause for them to worry, for God IS all-sufficient, but I wish that for them. I wish them the joy that that particular life-situation brings, and the grace to get through all of the trials it entails. And what trials they are! 

God can heal the broken family. God can melt the most stubborn heart. God gives grace (and even JOY) to those struggling with grievous burdens. PRAISE GOD! May all praise be given to Him, for He is worthy of it, and no one else. Praise Him.

*~FUR~*

Proverbs 31:30

UPDATE!! ^_^

So, college has swallowed up all of my time, but that's not necessarily a bad thing, right? There are so many things going on here. Here's a brief rundown!

Living in the dorms has allowed me to see even more clearly how different I am from most people. Some things I just don't quite have together yet, and other things (which most have problems with) I understand. It's thrilling to be able to learn from other people, though. God certainly has placed me in the middle of a GREAT group of young men and women, and I would not be any other place right now. Every day proves again that this is god's will for my life at this exact moment, and that makes getting through each day much easier.

As far as petty drama goes, there is little to none of that. There have been a few flare ups (one involving the Lion), but it has been pretty quiet on that front. Of course there always has to be a little drama when you "like" someone. **sigh** Such is life.  Patience was never my strong point...at least when it came to myself.

It seems like so many people have become ill or even died this semester. So many people are sad and searching for something desperately. I wonder if I am just seeing these things more, because I am older, or if it is because people my age that I know personally are beginning to fall into the usual paths of man. Would that men would see how life could be in the will of the all-powerful, all-loving God!!

That's basically all. Jamie Yow is an amazing roommate, and I shall miss her next year. I miss my best friend Ben and all of my other friends in Anderson, but it can be fun to make new ones. There is another guy up here who is candidate for best-friendship whose name is also Ben, and that makes me laugh. We'll see how long it takes him before he cracks and cannot stand me any more. ;-p I hope you all had a great Thanksgiving! God is SO GOOD! It's said many times, but it really is true! A whole life of praise is still not enough. good thing He's given us eternity to try and make it up!

*~FUR~*
Proverbs 31:30
Psalm 19:14
I Corinthians 13

Give me You eyes for just one second.

Give me Your eyes so I can see

Everything that i keep missing.

Give me Your love for humanity.

Give me your arms for the brokenhearted,

The ones that are far beyond my reach.

Give me Your heart for the ones forgotten.

Give me Your eyes so i can see. 

Crush...?

Good evening, cyberworld. ^_^ It's late, and i have a ton of questions running through my head.

What is it exactly that makes one person like another person? How do you define attraction. I don't mean the dictionary. I mean you personally. So many girls I have talked to like someone because they are cute, or because know they would benefit from having a relationship with that person. What's up with that? Since when was that a great basis for starting a relationship with someone? One of my friends told me that guys weren't as shallow in college...that they actually were looking for young women of substance. Another friend told me that they are pretty much the same as in high school...some are shallow and some are trying to be pretty good guys. Which do you consider it to be? A teacher once said, "What you get a guy with is what you keep him with." and that has stuck with me for all these years. What exactly draws "the right kind of guy" then? Are there any left? Is it normal for a girl like me to wonder if there could possibly be anyone out there who would take damaged goods even if they could get past the shoddy wrapping? Hhhhmmmm...my adopted brother has always told me that he loves my personality and that some guy will be very happy some day to enjoy that too. He's a great encouragement. Even though most people consider him to be a normal rebellious or idiotic teenage guy, he's actually taught me a lot about life, and I hope that he finds a good woman to help him out in life. ^_^ Where was I? Oh yeah...there are so many philosophies about how a girl should act in these situations nowadays. Some people say it's alright for a girl to start showing interest in a guy. Others say that under no circumstances should a girl initiate anything. This confuses me thoroughly. It's natural to like someone, but should a girl ever...EVER...do anything about it? (this coming from the girl who had to be taught how to flirt by her best guy friend...well...ex-friend?...ish...?) I suppose that is why they call them crushes. Does anyone have any good ideas for making one go away? Maybe not thinking about it at all and just focusing harder on schoolwork and responsibilities would do it, eh? :-\ (not really) As I sit here in this cold main entrance house, I reflect on the buckets of fun I have had with new friends here at Bob Jones.

ANOTHER thing...(I'm sorry to just keep blabbing about myself...I really would like your input)...no girl or woman I have ever talked to (with one exception which shall go unnamed) has ever had the same "weaknesses" as I do when it comes to guys they like. Popular ones are a great smile and good hair and cute eyes...among other things...but that really doesn't matter to me. One guy looks like the next to me. It is their voice, their bearing, their personality which draws me. Rats...I sound like a Jane Austin novel, don't I? :-\ Maybe I'm just too old at heart to be able to have a real relationship. Hahaha. A deep voice that speaks truth in a strong tone of leadership but maybe slightly nervous makes me smile. I have no idea why, but it does. A guy like that deserves an excellent help-meet, however. That's it...maybe I should focus more on striving to be the kind of woman God wants me to be (for He is the perfect Father, friend, and leader). HEY! Novel thought. ^_^ Time to go practice. I hope you all have a wonderful night, and remember that god is SO GOOD all the time!!!!!!!

*~FUR~*
Proverbs 31:30

Thank You

Tonight, I would just like to take the time to acknowledge the services (or lack thereof) of a few groups of people. First of all, I would like to thank custodial and the Bob Jones design team for the beautiful job they have done and continue to do on the Fine Arts bathroom floors. They are a soothing pattern, and they are relatively clean and shiny. They are cool to the touch, which is a good thing when you find yourself curled up in the fetal position for an hour and a half. ^_^ Also, I would like to thank the many young women who passed through the second floor bathroom today and gave plenty of space and silence to the girl in the corner. I'm sure they were too concerned they would break my concentration to come and ask if I were in need of assistance. There was one girl, however, who did venture to inquire as to my current state. Having done her good deed and hearing my answer of, "Ibuprofen......please..." she hurried off to her next class. I'm sure an extremely pale, sweaty, shivering female scrunched on the bathroom floor probably doesn't look like a warm and fuzzy interaction, but there was one girl who eventually heard me and went to get a GA. This GA was so nice! She managed to get some water, ibuprofen (which I couldn't take as I had managed to relocate myself by a great porcelain throne from nausea caused by pain), and supervision while I lay there. In the pauses between my stomach trying to tear itself apart, I managed to find out her name and a bit about herself. I even cracked a joke! :-D Eventually the pain subsided enough for me to relocate once again to the sofa in her office where I was VERY thankful for a comfy couch and a nice fleecy blanket to sleep off the rest of this "episode". At around 11:40, she woke me up and told me the time. I managed to apologize and thank her then headed off to my next class. No one should miss History of Civ. lecture! Next, I am thankful for my group of friends in the Snack Shop who unknowingly provided me with some much needed sustenance of half of a nutella and peanut butter bagel. With the use of one of their laptops, I was able to complete my English homework in time for the tutorial that followed my break. A nap seemed good, and I am so very thankful for the inventor of the alarm clock. It woke me up to tell me it was time for work. I arrived two hours late, however, but I am thankful for an amazing and supportive department who helped me make amends. God bless the crickets...^_^ He painted the sky wonderfully today. It was filled with all sorts of puffy clouds in varying shades of white and grey. Thank God for beautiful music, humour, and the ability to learn. Thank God for the ability to walk and talk without pain. Praise Him for making me a female even if it seems unfortunate at the time. ;-) PRAISE GOD! *_*

*~FUR~*
Proverbs 31:30

"I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well."     -Psalm 139:14 <3

"I'll Love You Forever!"

I'm a girl.

No really...I am. Why are you laughing...? Think about it. I say this, because sometimes I do stupid girl things, and then I write about it on my blog. :-P I was wondering today if any of you (the people who actually read this) have ever been in an abusive relationship. Before you answer, though, I would like to point out that you can be verbally, mentally, and emotionally abused as well as physically. Have you ever found yourself in a relationship (whether it be romantic, friendly, or familial [man I hope that's a real word...]) where you give every bit of strength you have to remain loyal, helpful, and amusing, yet problem after problem arose where you were the bad guy and the other the victim? Why is it that some people attach themselves so strongly to everyone, even when they know that they will never receive even close to the amount of "love" they have given? For so long, I have wondered if they were wrong to do this, or if it is "just the way they are". Let me post two passages that always seem to give me a hard time whenever I think this way. The one in Proverbs is contextually referring to the "forbidden woman", but verses ten and eleven seem to be applicable to more than that. Please, tell me if I'm erring there.

Proverbs 5:7-17

"And now, O sons, listen to me, and do not depart from the words of my mouth. Keep your way far from her, and do not go near the door of her house, lest you give your honor to others and your years to the merciless, lest strangers take their fill of your strength, and your labors go to the house of a foreigner, and at the end of your life you groan, when your flesh and body are consumed, and you say, "How I hated discipline, and my heart despised reproof! I did not listen to the voice of my teachers or incline my ear to my instructors. I am at the brink of utter ruin in the assembled congregation." Drink water from your own cistern, flowing water from your own well. Should your springs be scattered abroad, streams of water in the streets? Let them be for yourself alone, and not for strangers with you."

This is talking more about a marital thing, but does it not also apply to the emotions and mentality that go along with it? I know for a fact that you can be married to someone all but physically. It's been proven to me. This seems to suggest to me that there is a point at which you stop giving. I am confused at this, however. Where is that point? If someone treats you wrongly, the common attitude today is one of "Oh, let it go. If they are going to treat me badly, I'm not going to stick around. I don't care any more." I agree with the not sticking around part, but aren't we to still care? Maybe I'm confused about the different types of love? It seems to me, however, that if you love your neighbor as yourself, there shouldn't be much of a difference between the self-denying love in a marriage and the self-sacrificing love in a friend. Is there ever a point where we are not to love or SHOW love to someone?? This brings up another passage in my mind.

I Corinthians 13:1-8a

"Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love. I am a noisy gong, or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.***Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; It does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love BEARS all things, BELIEVES all things, HOPES all things, ENDURES all things. LOVE NEVER ENDS.***

Half the people I've talked to say it is wrong to wear your heart on your sleeve, and that one must have discretion. I believe they are right about discretion, but I cannot stand "fakeness". Why can't someone "wear their heart on their sleeve?" I don't mean going around constantly yapping about what you believe (Proverbs calls that a fool). I mean when interacting with people, telling them the truth. Not saying everything can be good sometimes, but asking a question you don't genuinely want the answer to, or pretending to be interested in someone when you're not really bugs me. If you have any answers or insight to this rambling post, please post them. It would be greatly appreciated!! Sorry for the length. ^_^

*~FUR~*

Proverbs 31:30

"Owe no man any thing, but to love one another: for he that loveth another hath fulfilled the law."

-Romans 13:8

I'm Hungry!

Everyone has those days where you wake up late, have to rush off without breakfast and start working. Everyone has those days where your work completely swallows you up and makes lunch impossible. Everyone has those days, so everyone should understand how hungry a person can get. They're not starving, granted, but they're pretty stinkin' hungry! Today was one of those days. My thanks goes out to Miss Random Personne who handed me a Nutri-Grain bar to me in eight o'clock General Psychology class. Supper isn't for another hour, and I am having to resist the urge to maliciously decapitate all of Jamie's teddy grahams. <_< This got me thinking, and I was scared to catch myself having a "Sunshine on the Soapsuds" moment.

Everyone has those days where you wake up late and have to rush off without reading their Bible. Everyone has those days where your work completely swallows you up and makes a quiet moment of prayer impossible. Everyone has those days, but many don't understand why they're spiritually malnourished. Many people don't even know how to read the signs.

Honestly, college scared me. It scared me, because I was afraid of failure. Disappointing people will probably always be my biggest fear, and you can ask me why off of here if you would like. It wasn't lack of preparation for the classes that stumped me here, however. Mainly the difficulty has been a social one. Not having anything to say tends to shut down conversations quickly. Having a nuetral countenance tends to bore those of normal teenage attention spans. This led me to wonder what my problem was. On one hand, I know that I'm different than anyone else. On the other, was I really lacking joy? Am I missing something? Guess what I remembered...with all of the worrying, scurrying, etc, I had been reading my Bible, but I had not spent enough time with God. It's so easy to read the bible as a textbook and forget that it's talking about a living, breathing God. He's done so much for me just this past month. He's provided funds, friends, food, and family, yet I still take him for granted. I was still worrying. I was checking off the "to-do" list I was reading every night without talking to and learning from the One who made it. He is patient. He is gracious. He is merciful. He is kind. He knows what lies ahead, and will give me the strength to accomplish the tasks He's given me. Spiritual food isn't just reading and making mental notes. That's like only drinking water every day. We need more. Pray that the Lord will fill me up and nourish my weak spirit, please.

It's always encouraging to hear from others. Feel free to tell me what God's been doing in your life. Post something so that God may be glorified among more people. ^_^

*~FUR~*
Proverbs 31:30



Let love be without dissimulation. Abhor that which is evil; cleave to that which is good. Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another; Not slothful in business; fervent in spirit; serving the Lord; Rejoicing in hope; patient in tribulation; continuing instant in prayer; Distributing to the necessity of saints; given to hospitality. Bless them which persecute you: bless, and curse not. Rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep. Be of the same mind one toward another. Mind not high things, but condescend to men of low estate. Be not wise in your own conceits. Recompense to no man evil for evil. Provide things honest in the sight of all men. If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men. Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord. Therefore if thine enemy hunger, feed him; if he thirst, give him drink: for in so doing thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head. Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good."

Providence in Patience

When waiting for college to start, I've found it incredibly frustrating to just sit around. Keeping busy is always helpful and allows less time for worrying about the millions of things that [possibly] could go wrong. This is the main reason I decided to go on a youth trip with my church to West Virginia. The only people remotely close to my age were a guy named Gage and a girl named Ali. We had tons of fun, and little opportunities to help out kept coming up just when I found myself not having anything to do. It was encouraging when I found that the youth group we were to spend a day with was made up of kids my age! God knows exactly how we feel every second of the day. Better...He knows how we WILL feel before we even come into the situation!

After a great trip, we stopped by a Burger King on the way home. Ali and I weren't really in the mood for a fast food burger, so we hiked up to the nearest Bojangles. The walk stretched out the kinks in our legs and backs that we got from being crammed into bus seats, and the pungent odour of cajun fried chicken greeted our noses. We were waiting for our food when a random black lady walked up to me and asked if I truly believed what my shirt said. I hadn't really given much thought to my "Be Real, Stay Pure" t-shirt with the "Blessed are the pure in heart" verse printed on the back. She asked again, and I answered that I did indeed. Her face lit up, and she said, "Then you're my sister! Come here, girl!" She proceeded to give me a hug, and we talked for a minute about how young people today are often too ashamed to proclaim the message of Christ. She saw Ali and asked her if she "knew Him". She answered that she did and was given a hug as well. A few more minutes of talking allowed us to hear about the church that she attended. Ali and I picked up our food and walked back to our group with smiles on our faces and excitement in our hearts.

I'm very sorry we were just passing through. The lady had invited us to a homecoming at her church, but we had to decline. If she was just a reflection of her entire church family, that would easily have been one of the most beautiful events I had attended. God knew I was wondering what it was like to be surrounded by fellow Christians who were excited and growing. He knew that I wanted to see if anyone outside of my little Anderson/Greenville bubble knew Him and counted every redeemed person as family and every lost person as a potential family member. You may call me dramatic, but I don't really care. He sent a sister from another "world" entirely across my path which had never happened before, and THAT is exciting!!!

Whispers of a tri-county Bible study during the upcoming school year, schemes for complete involvement in society activities, anticipations for a new life of work and study and an unhindered healthy lifestyle, and hopes of learning new life skills definitely make life seem to move at a slower pace. Add the element of not knowing where the support will come from to the mix, and you have the perfect picture of a person jogging up a narrow hill next to a very slippery slope of worry and depression...at least in my head. ;-p That's probably normal, though. I'm thinking I'm very close to another paradigm shift. You know what I'm talking about, right? Those moments where everything you thought you knew is suddenly and irreversibly seen in a new light, and it leaves you feeling sick until you get used to it...? It really makes you appreciate the old picture of a person holding onto God in the "storms" of life. They may not even be trials, but if your entire world shifts from under your feet, He truly is the only thing that remains unmoved. Little instances of His providence in my attempts at patient waiting remind me of that. ^_^

*~FUR~*
Proverbs 31:30

p.s. Thank you for your prayers! I'll let you know something...I have a thing for educated and upscale black men. If you didn't know that by now, then you must not know me very well. ;-) I hope you enjoy that feeling of humour and speechlessness you just had. Glad I could add a little "interestingness" to your day.

On Thrift and Necessity

"Go pick out what you need, but remember...BE CONSERVATIVE" said the woman to her daughter as they entered the local Wal-Mart. Mrs. wandered off, leaving Girl alone with her newspaper that was full of circled dorm items. About a half hour of shopping produced a cart with the following items:

-a bathroom towel/wascloth set of six pieces ($8)

-eighteen lime green plastic hangers ($1.50)

-three bowls ($2)

-four plates ($4)

-a floor lamp ($9)

-a bed set ($20) of

• one flat sheet
• one fitted sheet
• one comforter
• two shams
• two pillowcases 
• one duffel bag

 -a three-drawer tower ($15)

-a fluffy purple blanket ($15) just for fun!

Girl returned to Mrs. with thirty dollars in her pocket and hopes of not having to use it all. She was too optimistic. In the end, the hangers and blanket were removed. Only after ten minutes of questioning looks and hard discussion were the towels and tower allowed to remain. Once they had settled on a suitable division of payment, Mrs. commented that she would go get ice cream and meet Girl at the register. Watching marshmallows, corn dogs, popsicles, Cheez-Its, and forty-eight cans of Diet Coke go down the conveyor belt made Girl somewhat hungry, but she didn't mind. She was getting new stuff!!!! ^_^ Orange Dreamsicles don't keep you warm in the winter, but on a hot summer day, Girl didn't mind too much. 

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OH BOY! A SATIRE! :-D How exciting! 

Someone told me my last post was an epic fail, and I apologize. :) Blame Target for not keeping someone's online shopping cart open. I am thrilled to be able to room with one of my best friends since kindergarten. God has provided both my mother and me with jobs, and school cannot come soon enough! A clean slate in a somewhat new place is very welcome. If you feel like praying about it, could you please pray that God will protect me from shadows of the past? They are particularly strong in Greenville. Everyone has things they struggle with, and mine are mostly mental situations such as attitude and emotion. My last post asked for wishlists. On this post, I would love to hear how God is working in your life! He provides every need... and many times even more than we need. I know this. Do you have a story to share?

*~FUR~*

Proverbs 31:30

**Wish*Upon*a*Star**

So everyone has a wish list. Mines just happens to be slightly nerdier. ;-P 

College Version:  http://www.target.com/gp/cart/view.html/ref=nav_sc/178-7828870-7752116

I get to room with a girl who's been in my class since nursery at the Oak, and we dreamed of going all out with twinkle lights, paper lanterns, fuzzy rugs and pillows, and stylish sheets, but that's just what they are...dreams. :) We're going to sit around our hotpot and be completely happy, but sharing dreams is fun, so I'm posting access to a wishlist!! Here's some background information to help you envision this with us. :-P

Jamie's the kind of girl who like wearing bright purple or zebra print high heels. Her hair could outshine Barbie's (no joke!), and she loves the color purple in anything new and trendy. She has a great fashion sense, and can actually pull it off. She's a sports person, but she can chill and listen to music as well. She's just awesome like that. ;-)

I'm a complete nerd, so I adore capybaras, rubber duckies, paper lanterns, music, video games, classical books, and being neat and organized. My favourite color is black, and I LOVE that swirly black and white pattern that is so popular right now. I guess people finally got the clue that it was cool! Hahaha.

No one really posts replies on this here BLOG, but I'm requesting you too. I love looking at other people's lists, so POST YOUR OWN as a reply!! ^_^ Please. If you know me at all...you KNOW that I go absolutely crazy over people's birthdays. Have a wonderful day, and remember that it's completely fine to dream. God's all-sufficient, though. 

*~FUR~*

Proverbs 31:30

Psalm 19:14

Hello Again, World ^_^

Hey, you. Yes, you! The one in front of the screen reading this post. CONGRATULATIONS for taking the time to enlarge your mind by actually reading something. ^_^ That makes me smile! I was just wondering...do you know what it's like to go on a trip of some sort and get completely lost so that time appears to stand still? I went to Washington state to spend some time with my family, and I forgot I owned a dog by the end of the visit...yes...it was that bad. It is amazing what three weeks away from chaos can do for your mind. With all of the craziness of the past few years clogging up my head, I had forgotten who I was. YES I know that's incredibly cliche and corny, but it's true. I didn't know what I liked and disliked. All I could remember were memories of what this person liked and what this other person did when they found out. **breathe** I remembered that I did have a favourite cousin. :P I remembered that I absolutely LOVE video games, coloring, legos, books, Saturday morning cartoons, baking, and actually getting out and laughing with new people! I had forgotten all of that, and it had been replaced with long nights just sitting in front of the t.v. and telling my dog to be quiet.

It's easy to learn how to serve other people. It's much harder to take the initiative and go out of your way to find things to do. It's even more of a challenge to stand in someone's shadows and nod and smile at the appropriate time...waiting for your chance to do something by yourself. Being in a church made of old people...you tend to forget that new believer's excitement more quickly than a growing church (or maybe that's just me). A few nights in a younger church was so encouraging. I do forget why I'm living sometimes, and talking to fellow believers who are learning stuff for the first time and zealous can remind you of the One who loves you unconditionally. It is so encouraging to lift your voice in song with a sanctuary filled with sold-out Christians. Don't get me wrong...spending a few precious hours in a back room with an out of tune piano and a hymnal is a wonderful way to spend time with God. ;-) There's something about true fellowship, however.

Coming home to hear the constant  complaints about how fat people think they are, arguments over which reality tv show guy should win the girl, giggling about the latest teen icon, and gossip about the mistakes of fellow human beings was somewhat disappointing, and I found myself missing Washington terribly, but I suppose those things are common everywhere now. It's funny...God never has to clear His head of anything. He is all-knowing and holy and is SO FAR above all of the human obsessions! Would you like to know what else I had forgotten? I had forgotten that I am longing to work my hardest in and out of the classroom in college, because developing the skills God's given me for His glory is a heart goal. I had forgotten that God's been SOOOO good to me in even allowing me to GO to college! He has provided all of my needs, and even allowed my biggest dream to come true (a visit from my sister without a giant blow-up). He has given me friends when I most needed them, and even in reading my classical books, His Word echoes in my mind, telling me what is of the world, and what is not. It may sound funny, but this is my blog, so :-P!!!!!!!!! Have an amazing day, and GO READ MORE STUFF, smart person! 8-B

*~FUR~*
Proverbs 31:30
Psalm 19:14
p.s. my next post will basically be a wishlist, because I am a selfish person, and I would only tell people what I want when they don't read it. ^_^

♫ Jesus, Your Name is Power, Breath, and Living Water ♪

It is unbearably hot outside today, but I wanted to go outside anyways. Muggy heat is my least favorite kind of weather, but it is much better than being in a house facing the reality that is home, so I put up with it. I walked out there a while ago in a horrible funk, and talking to God. I was asking Him how to stop driving people away by being too honest or by sharing my heart with them. People don't really like that too much. No one ever told me that...oh well. Three people told me I needed professional help in the last twenty-four hours, and I believe them. Their stating it has made me feel completely worthless, however...like a broken toy. When you squeeze it, the voicebox can't quite get the doll's message across. My brain somehow can't quite connect with everyone else on the level that is considered "normal". It's kind of cute when you're five, but when you're a teenager going into college, it causes serious problems. No one ever told me that some people get angry when you ask them for help. It's a good thing I'm learning this now, eh? ;-) I told all of this to Him, and I know He has the answers, because He created me in the first place. He gave me the fundamental personality and put me in this environment for a reason, and I shouldn't resent that or be ill content. I was struggling today with feeling unloved, though. The sun just made me cranky, but God still does miracles. There is no doubt in my mind. Previously in my blog I posted a snippet about rain and what it means to me; to me, it is God's way of hugging you, and telling you He loves you. As I was walking in that awful heat, I felt the air grow cooler, but saw no change in light. IT'S RAINING! Right now, it is raining in that terrible sunshine! One million people telling me that God does not exist could never change my mind. Tell me that that is not an answer to prayer. He is amazing, and He loves me, even when I'm complaining. God loves me, and He has a plan for me. That is motivation enough to learn more about people and to learn whatever skills I need to understand, communicate with, and even help them. With God, nothing is impossible. Something funny I found is that no one really has the patience to sit down and think about or help someone who has a mental issue they need to work out unless they or someone close to them develops one. Why is that, I wonder? My mind can just picture people's thoughts when I say I'm going into Biblical Counseling. "Why would a girl who is messed up go into counseling? That's the last thing she should do." Perhaps...but maybe I want to help people like me? After all, no one else can seem to come up with an answer rather than a quick glance at their shoes when I ask them where I should turn for advice. :)

*~FUR~*
Proverbs 31:30
♫ ♪ ♥



p.s. I am not cutting out God from all of this, it's just easier to explain without going into a deep theological explanation of all of the controversial principles and standards surrounding this issue. ;)

What a Rush!

I wander into the living room and plop down onto the piano bench looking for some way to relieve the almost unbearable boredom that has been oppressing me all day. None of the songs seem to be the right mood for the day, but as I begin to tackle one of my Josh Groban books, the gray clouds slowly start to lift. The book sucks me in with its melodies until -*BOOM*-a crash of thunder rattles the house, breaking my concentration and casting a dissonant sound through the speakers of the keyboard. With a sigh, I rise from my cushioned seat and slowly open the door leading out of my muggy kitchen. A blast of cool misty air greets my warm face. It's beginning to rain. I step out onto the deck and feel the cool drops begin to play a game of tic-tac-toe on my outstretched arms. *BOOM* Another burst of thunder rips the sky, and the trees begin to dance wildly back and forth. In the trees' dance there comes a pause in which the rain comes down in torrents. I feel the water tickling my nose. The wind begins to toss the trees from side to side again, and it sends chills through me. What miracles God gives every day.

*~FUR~*

Proverbs 31:30

p.s. The storm was so much better than any water ride at Six Flags!! Wish you could have been there. ^_^

Teenagers...**eyeroll**

"Awww...look at little Katie. She's so cute in her new kindergarten outfit."
"Oh, I know! Isn't she adorable? Let's go talk to her!"///
"Oh, hey...it's the girl in the teen class who used to talk to us all the time after Sunday school."
"What's her name? Oh yes, Ronda. My, I feel sorry for the youth pastor."
"Yeah, I heard that she's quite a rough kid...likes to cause a scene."
**both shake head simultaneously**
///"Oh Kaaattiiiieeeee! **big smile** You look so pretty today!"
"You sure do! Would you like to help me play the big piano today or do you want some candy?"
"You're so sweet, Katie. Your parents must be so proud to have such a good little girl. You come and see us whenever you want, ok, honey?"///
 (As Ronda approaches and shakes the speakers' hands)
R: Good morning, ladies. God really made a wonderful sky today, didn't He? I hope you're doing well.
1: Hello.
2: Hi.
(As they walk away)
1: So Mrs. ^*^%, are you planning on coming to the play next weekend? I hear it's going to be a good one.
2: I'm not sure. You know I'd love to if I could. Oh look, Ronda's sitting next to that gothic-looking boy again.
1: **shakes head** You know, she used to be such a good little kid. I bet it's those friends of hers that brought her down.
2: You're probably right. What's becoming of young people these days?
1: I have no clue, but it's so sad to see them like this.      Teenagers...**shakes head**

Yes...obviously this is a made-up scenario...for the most part...but can you not see a problem with it? This has been an issue that has been making me <> angry for a very long time now. Little Katie is probably a sweet little girl whose biggest problem is sitting still during a lesson. She's adopted by all of the older ladies in the church, and when she grows up, she should have their support and love, right? Now look at Ronda. From the "story", we can deduce that she grew up there. She was probably one of the more rowdy kids, right? WRONG. She was an angel. She listened quietly to every message, and she always tried to talk respectfully to her elders, because that's what she was taught. She listened when someone told her to do something. So how did she become a "rebel"?

I'm sure that if you grew up in a southern church as I did, you would immediately relate to the picture of the older ladies talking to little Katie. As a child in that type of environment, everyone interacts with you, and everyone tries to teach you something. You are expected to sing Patch the Pirate songs and come to your adopted family when you have problems, and transgressions are easily forgiven. This was Ronda's childhood...but where was the change? Is it possible that it wasn't Ronda's attitude that changed with her age, but her "family's"?

Since I don't know everything, it would be foolish for me to present this idea as a solid fact, but I am not alone. The number of teens I have seen go through this experience is sadly growing higher and higher, and I seek to find an answer to it. Also, no one really reads my blog, so I can pretty much post anything within reason...^_^ The truth is that the world's image of what a teenager should be is so misshapen and ugly has crept into the minds of those same ladies (and gentlemen, for that matter) who dote on the little kids. Now it seems that when a child reaches a certain age, they are expected to be lazy, selfish, angry, rebellious creatures, and it is no wonder that's what more and more of them turn into. I don't understand. If you spend all of those years teaching a child how to live a Christian life, how to act, and how to respect and serve others, why would you change your expectations for them? True, Ronda is me, and I know I wasn't a complete angel, but the situation is still true.

I grew up in kid's church, Patch the Pirate Club, Girls' Club, and a Christian school, and I was expected to behave, to learn, and to think. My class graduated just this May, and I find that there are no more smiling faces waiting for me at church. Granted, I don't want the older women in my church coming up to me and pinching my cheeks. Since I am older, I can actually use my powers of thought and speech to have a decent conversation, but if I don't want to take part in gossip, spout an endless stream of small-talk and compliments, or listen to an entire room full of church ladies sit and complain about how many ailments they have and call it "sharing each others burdens", then I am a rude and insensitive child who does not deserve a second more of their time than the new teen who has a million body piercings and creeps them out. Now I do realize that hurts and pains are a part of life, and I will have them too some day. I'm not "downing" the idea of sharing burdens, but what happened to the cheery attitudes and helpful spirit I saw in the same ladies a few years ago? They made me want to be like them. They made me think that, with some hard work and reliance on God, I would be able to go through life alright, but that appearance seemed to have run away on my sixteenth birthday. Maybe it's because I just see more now? Now basically the only impression I get from them is that gossip is a part of life; it is ok to judge newcomers; complaining is now a community activity; and acting out against any tradition like these will just ostracize you more from their company.

I love those ladies...I really do! I have learned so much from them, but it has stopped! All trust between us has been crushed by their itching mouths and ears (pardon the weird phrasing there). I can no longer communicate with them, because I do not like being fake. Does that make any sense? When I talk to someone, I want to give them all of my attention, and listen to them. I'm not going to say, "Oh, that's so good!" or "Oh, I just loooove that!" if I really don't mean it. Words mean something! Some of my friends get irritated when I don't tell them I love them all the time. Those are special words. They don't need to be thrown around...even between friends! The more you say something, the less they mean. Have people forgotten that? What's with the fake smiles that turn into eyerolls when the back is turned? Why are they surprised when someone decides not to "serve"? Did you know that service is really not service unless it is voluntary? Forced love is not love at all. If someone can sing, and the church automatically expects them to join a choir, they are faced with disapproving looks and stern lectures about serving God if they do not. For goodness' sake, let the person join on their own! Why would you join a choir if you were doing it solely because you had to! That's like asking me to play piano forever while standing over my shoulder. It is forced...and it loses every aspect of "service". It is no longer from the heart. If you treat a child a certain way for long enough...they will most likely start acting like that. Anything they do in your eyes will be seen through that mindset, and there is no escape. No wonder there's so much anger...no wonder you hear all of those horrible stories of good little Christian kids who grew up with a giant adopted family to support them and then became horrible people. Goodness! It really is ridiculous.

I really need to go now, but I don't want to leave you with my frustration. I do realize that the best thing to do is be obedient no matter what, and remember that God has placed me where He has placed me for a reason. People will fail you, because no one is perfect, and the only constant is God. That is a great thing. That is something that causes joy. My intention in this was not to complain, but to rant and explain something important that will probably never be heard of outside of this page. Thanks for taking the time to read this. :) Have a wonderful day, and don't forget that SOMEONE is looking up to you!!!

*~FUR~*
Proverbs 31:30

Masks

Here's a nice story...

     A friend comes over to hang out after telling me to make them an ice cream sundae with melted peanut butter and Hershey's syrup like I usually do. They poke my sunburn repeatedly and threaten to stick their fingers in my cake batter. We go into the game room to goof off, and my favorite sick day movie (You've Got Mail) comes on, and I learn that this happens to be one of my friend's favourite movies as well. We laugh at and talk and sing with it, and I catch them staring at me as I stare at the end of the movie where Brinkley (the "hero's" dog) comes out, thus revealing the "heroine's" internet admirer's identity(...really...watch it! haha :) well...with a t.v. guardian, because there are a couple of words...:-\ ) . You may be wondering what is so strange about my friend enjoying this movie as much as I do, but you must understand that he is not typically seen as the "chick flick" type. After the movie ends, his reaction is one of "OOhhhh I want that so much! That guy is a genius! I want that relationship!", while mine is one of "My...I wish that were real. This is really depressing. I have many friends like that, but in real life, that would never happen to me. Do people write these things just to torture us?"

     If you know me at all, you know that one things that always gets me talking is mentioning the fact that everyone wears a mask. It is a great deal of fun to try to peel back these masks, but it is not always without a certain amount of risk. People do not like being seen. For some reason, people feel uncomfortable around someone who can look at them once and see beneath all of their misdirections. It is extremely irritating to talk to someone who cannot hold your gaze, but it is even more irritating to have someone lie to your face about what kind of person they are when you can do absolutely nothing about it except smile and nod. Run around without a "mask" on and you are regarded as either a rebel or an outcast.

     I promise this story relates somehow...doesn't it?...OH YEAH! I remember. ^_^ He then asked me about a certain girl, because he wanted my opinion on his dating her or not. She strikes me as just another "country Barbie" with a gorgeous appearance, a way with children, a love for water and sports, and a hyper and kind air about them that is always present in public. She is the kind of girl who will never say an offensive word in front of you and always has something to say, be it a comment about the weather or a compliment about your shoes. There is nothing wrong with this, but I find that the compliments stop after a certain period of time. If I see another shiny-haired, Kelly Clarkson idolizing, baby kissing, loud, spoiled teenage girlfriend...*breathe*...I think I may go insane. How can you have a unique personality if every "in style" Twilight-lover has the same personality as you? How can you not be shallow when you base your entire birthday party around "which hair-colour looks best on me?"???? Honestly! If you're going to date my friend, can you please show me what you have been learning in the Bible? Can you please tell me something you love about him besides his silly jokes or amazing smile? Can you please give me another answer to how you are going to help him grow and walk through life besides, "Oh, I will always be there to hug him and smile and distract him from the bad stuff."

     Now, I cannot really tell my friend all of that, can I? My simple answer of, "Oh...I do not really know her, but she seems nice." should probably do it, then...right? Maybe I feel this way because I am a girl. If that is true, then I would never really be able to explain all of this to him. Who knows? I am just a little girl who knows nothing. I wonder when the day will come that I can actually become more than a best friend who has to sit and watch the guy make mistake after mistake about girls. Are all young men in these times shallow and ignorant? Oh well...it's one in the morning, and I need to sleep. BYEZ! ♥

*~FUR~*

Proverbs 31:30

Limbo

I am now an alumna (right, Mrs. Bailes?) of Oakwood Christian School. This reminds me of that time of my life where I was too old for Patch the Pirate's Club yet too young for the youth group. It really stinks. The economy makes it nearly impossible to get a job, which is something I am dying to do, contrary to popular opinion. There's nothing like telling someone you're looking for a job and having them give you a look of complete shock and then shake their head. It's very encouraging. We should all do that. o and find some young person who is aching to work their hands to the bone in America's workforce, and laugh in their face. Really...it's good for them. **breathe** Where was I? Oh yes...Is it normal to want to work hard? I've never really had to work a day in my life, and I really really want to. Of course, it's always different at home. No one thinks of that as real work (as in teenagers and the homes they live in). I want to go to college and blaze through giant projects that challenge me and force me to think hard. College is going to be difficult, but wouldn't that be a welcome change from just getting up every day and only having to worry about menial tasks like taking out the garbage????? PLEASE!!! LET ME LEAVE!!

UM...

It's two weeks before graduation, and I'm sitting in Mrs. Bailes's English class waiting for everyone to finish uploading their journal entries to our class blog (OCS Sen10rs). Two more days of classes, then we have exams. Saturday we leave on our Sr. Trip to Virginia/D.C., and I am excited! This can't be my class...we're still in kindergarten. Hunter STILL doesn't walk fast. I STILL have corny jokes. Carl STILL has OCD problems. Christina STILL has her blond moments. I just don't see the part where we grew up. Maybe it will always seem this way to me. Maybe grown-ups really are kids who happen to have a little more life experience than us. That's kind of scary. For anyone who knows about my horrible friend and the torture I was put through, that is over. I am free!!!!! Nothing can stop the song God's put in my heart today, for I am guilt-free and loving it. ADIOS!

College

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! Hello there. It seems that the intent of college recruiters is to constantly pester you until you have no more brain left to choose anything other than the college they represent! Why is this college business so difficult?? Doesn't America want to educate its children so that we may rise up and take the reins from the older generation, thus continuing the constant process of repair and perfection of the nation? Maybe this socialistic tendency has already spread to higher education. I mean...the perfect way to equalize and control the masses is by ignorance, right? "Why don't we make everyone equally stupid so that we can control the level of participation and the rate that information spreads!" Genius...absolutely genius. Well, it's working. It's a good thing I have God to control my future, because I sure would make a complete mess of things (and have...many times). Trusting Him can be so difficult, though it shouldn't be, but I suppose this lesson will serve me for the rest of my life, eh? Surely there will be trial MUCH larger than figuring out how to go to college. There are going to be situations that require a deeper patience and reliance on God in my life than waiting to see how God provides...especially if I am going to go into counseling.

One thing that god has shown me these past few months is that, despite all of the training and knowledge I have been given in my Christian school and church all of my life, the choice to follow Him really is mine. Even though I have been given the answers to many of life's big questions, satan constantly bombards me with doubts and seemingly hopeless situations. We have been warned since we were little about satan's darts, his tricks, and the attitudes he tempts us to have with little stories and examples that oversimplify it. We are made to think that serving God and serving self are black and white, when in reality, they are often hard to discern unless you are constantly walking with God and trusting Him to "direct thy paths". It saddens me to think that my dearest friends from high school can fall so quickly. What a heartache to know that nothing you can do or say will reach their hardened and blind hearts! Maybe it's not the whole "college" thing after all. Maybe the fact that we are leaving our homes and beginning to train for a life completely our own that causes us to think more seriously about why we do what we do every day. Why do I hold the door for older people? Why don't I go to movie theaters? What rule is there that says I can't flirt with every guy I see? Why are drugs wrong? Wow...I think I have completely bunny-trailed off my topic. Oh well! I guess that's what happens on SPRING BREAK!!!!! WOOHOO!!!!!!! Have an awesome day!

*~FUR~*

Ok So my best friend since...well...since I remember  just hurt himself...again. We'll see if he has to have surgery. :-\ Hopefully he won't have to have it! It's really bad timing because he's almost done with the school year and it's pretty much the busiest time. It amazes me that God has given me a friend like him for so long. His plans are so past our understanding. Who would have thought that our parents would have ended up at the same church, and that we would have grown up together to become the friends we are now. Better friends now that he's in college and I'm about to graduate high school. I hate to say it...but he's learned a few things about life...things that I hadn't learned yet. Could it be...that he is wiser in some areas than I am now? I can actually learn stuff from him??? WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?! Who knew that just watching tv could be fun just because you have a friend to watch it with? Hahaha. ^_^ Well...I should probably go. Only one more hour! Readers...please...never take for granted friendships. If you have a good one...hold on to it at all costs. They are hard to find!! BYEZ! :-B

*~FUR~*

Dreams

Being a senior in high school has its perks. Getting out half days is definitely great...if you don't fill the free time with extra-curricular activities plus overtime. Getting to walk down the hallways knowing you're the most experienced class, and that you DO influence the younger kids (for good or bad) is pretty cool as well. This position is a hard one to be in, though, especially when your creative abilities are bound by a teacher who assigns you to a group for projects. Take Sweetflame, for instance. This is a sweets and treats business created for a project, but I want it to be so much more! I am excited, and can not stop making plans and tweaking the products to look and taste even better. Today, I made my first official business appointment with a cupcake store in Greenville. It felt grand. The shine soon wore off, however, when one of my teammates bailed on me, causing this appointment to look fake and unprofessional. What is a dreamer to do? I suppose it is no new thing to face obstacles when pursuing dreams, but it stinks. ^_^ Should I even tell them about the potential opening for an actual location in the mall? Would they even care? *sigh* We'll see. Maybe I'll be forced to go it alone......then again, that may be for the best. ;-)

Supper

What does a kid want more than anything else when coming home from a long, tedious day of learning? FOOD, of course! Every teenager has been there. You know what I mean. Those instances when you open the refrigerator door, find nothing that you can easily pick up and eat, and close the door only to come back ten more times even though you KNOW there will not be anything new. Yes, those times. We Americans have houses full of food, yet we can never find anything to eat after school! It is irritating! Today I came home to a pot of boiling chicken. I was hungry, but I took a walk instead. When I came back, I made the discovery that my mother had gone to the grocery store. She came home without any real food, however. This is definitely America. "Fridges, fridges, everywhere, and not a bite to eat." ^_^

A Special Memory and the Importance of Chocolate

As a child, I ran around everywhere! There was not a corner top, kitchen cabinet, or underside of a bed that I didn't examine thoroughly. There was always one place, though, that awed me with its complexity and mystery - that was my sister's room. I was almost never allowed inside, but my curiosity was only heightened. I exercised the "I'm not touching you!" principle by sitting just outside her door frame and watching her. Needless to say this did not encourage sisterly love. I adored my sister, and I remember the day she started "Sister Night". She had saved up her allowance and ordered pizza just for us, and took me into her room to eat it! What's more, she let me sit on her really high bed as I had dreamed of doing forever! We ate our food (cheese pizza had never tasted so good) and then my sister read me the first few chapters of the book she had been writing! I almost died from excitement! She turned on some Enya (Paint the Sky with Stars has been my favorite since) and asked me to help her pick out and outfit for her upcoming youth group activity. I felt like crying. We both started getting tired, and she surprised me yet again by allowing me to have a sleepover in her room! She probably didn't realize it at the time, but that is a night I will never forget. I went to sleep as the happiest kid in the world and dreamed about my future with the best sister anyone could ever ask for.

CHOCOLATE

Every girl knows that chocolate has magical properties. It is a temporary balm for hurt pride and broken hearts. I believe it is a natural craving for us at...certain times. What girl can resist the smooth, melt-in-your-mouth texture or that sweet balance between sugar and bitterness? As each girl is different, so her choice in chocolate differs. Cathy loves dark chocolate, while Jamie adores milk chocolate Hershey's bars, and Christina loves Cookies-n-Cream white chocolate bars. Chocolate is a sign of love.It says volumes more than roses or cards, although a kiss still wins. ;-) (not that I would know **halo**) Chocolate - NOT diamonds - is a girl's best friend. Does a girl run to her diamond necklace right after she gets dumped? Does she grab her diamond ring while watching a movie at a sleepover? No! A girl's blood, I am convinced, is at least one percent chocolate. I suppose I have just shown the key to my heart. ^_^ (or have I?)

*~FUR~*

A Special Gift I've Given 12/7/09

The most special gift I've given also happens to be the one that was wasted. Let's call the recipient "Rich Younge Manne" for ease of storytelling. When I met Rich, I immediately started planning the perfect Christmas gift for him. After countless hours of conversations and games, it came to me. Every word he spoke after that made my gift seem more and more ideal. After a year or two of saving and a lucky shopping trip on vacation (I have no use for vacation money allowed me, so I Christmas shop whenever I get it", I was ready to wrap it and send it to its home. I can still feel the cool, smooth wrapping paper as I put each fold in its place and taped it down, careful not to wrinkle even an inch. A ribbon here, a name tag there, and I hid it away until the night of my birthday party. The wait was complete and agonizing torture, especially since I had already ruined his surprise for me. I knew that he had gotten me an amazing gift, and beating him at this game made it all the more exciting! The night arrived. My house was full of noise, laughter, and the smell of cookies. My gift was too  special to be given in public, so I brought Rich onto the deck, Carl's voice echoing gfrom the game room. The large package was waiting for him on the rail. I held my breath as he tore into the paper. I watched his eyes pour over the leather case. Slowly he unzipped it to reveal the brand new ESV Life Application Study Bible. He fingered through it briefly, and then, being bored, he found the stiff Celtic journal under it. Afraid to speak, I pointed to it, and he began to read the "dedication". Days had been spent thinking of the truest and most accurate words. He closed the brown case, looked me in the  eyes, said his solitary "thank you", and gave me a hug. The monotone of his voice, his restless air, and the words that followed ("Is that it? Can I go inside now?") confirmed the horrible sick feeling in my stomach. I nodded to acknowledge that there was no more, and I could not keep my eyes from watering as I watched him take that precious gift that would probably gather dust under his bed and rush inside to greet everyone loudly. Although I know better now, that evening I was overwhelmed with the knowledge that it wasn't the gift that wasn't special enough for him, but me.

*~FUR~*

Siblings

The gift of a brother or sister, to me, is probably the most precious. Having an older sister is my most treasured earthly "present" (for lack of better word). What good is a movie with no one to laugh or cry with you? Or a video game without someone's score to beat? Or a book or music with no one to discuss it with? Or a giant gameroom with no one to help you fill it with noise? I should think it would be a very dull life, indeed. My sister helped me through almost every major happening in my life, and taught me to turn to God always, because people will always fail at some point. She inspired me to work hard at school and reminded me that everyone has at least one problem they struggle with. She taught me about late night theological debates with people halfway around the world. She taught me about work that doesn't pay, like constant, heart-straining prayer for someone having a life struggle. My sister is so much better than I could wish to be. I think that, if I could possess even an ounce of her strength or faith, it would make such a difference. I thank God every single day for giving me a sister!

*~FUR~*

Greetings from a Furball

Aloha! I love to write, and I love to think. My notebooks have become a little too full, so I have decided to create this blog as an outlet. Read it or not. I don't care. That's your prerogative, but I guarantee that these pieces of my mind will make you either smile or become scared. ;-P To those who know me I welcome you, and hope you don't write anything embarrassing...and to those who have just found me or don't know me that well, I am glad you've decided to stop by my page! I'm a simple girl (no comments, guys...<_<)>
*~FUR~*